永远的爱

星期六闲来无事，就播放了牧师赠送的DVD。
那是一片香港艺人在伦敦的见证分享。
艺人为：蔡少芬，邓翠雯，罗慧娟和陈美玲。
前两者较有名气，后者或许没什么人认识。

分享感动了我。
有的听见神的声音，向她们说话。
有的经历神的作为。
她们对神的信心是多么的坚固。
她们那爱神的心是多么的深。
哭了，因为我觉得上帝的作为是那么的奇妙。
上帝的爱是那么的真实。

昨天教会的弟兄姐妹到新居做感恩崇拜。
有个印度弟兄跟我和爸爸分享他是怎么接受主耶稣基督的。
他原本是一个满屋印度神佛，很抗拒耶稣的人。
一直他都尝试说服妻子不需要去教会。
牧师去探访他，他也不欢迎牧师进入他家里。
一个下午，他在家休息的时候，他居然看到了主耶稣。
看到主耶稣举起双手，手掌心有钉子，留了血。
主耶稣没有靠口，可是却有声音说：我为你死在十架上。
我听后是多么的感动，心存感谢。
我感谢上帝奇妙的作为。
我感谢上帝的爱。

虽然，我没有听到上帝的声音。
我也没有看见耶稣。
可是，上帝的爱我是真真正正的感受到了。
我知道上帝爱我。
我觉得我不可以就这样每天坐着去领受他的爱。
我应该有很多很多的事情要去做。
我要活出基督。
我要去分享上帝在我身上的作为。
我更知道，上帝叫我不要灰心。
因为上帝做事有定时。
在最妥当的时候上帝必将事情成就。
我深信着。
因为上帝用永远的爱来爱我。
他也用永远的爱来爱世界上的每一个人。

美

心美，人亦美；
人美，穿什么都美。

慢慢学习其实名牌也这不过是这样。
一件名牌的物品对贫困人家来说是个奢侈。
试想象区区的五十元竟可以助养一个孩子。
一件奢侈品可以维持一个小孩的生活费多久。

有朋友说，什么时候开始学会在吃下一口饭就觉得满足的时候那就是生命的饱足？
是的。
当我们没有的时候，我们争取。
当我们有的时候，我们比较。
比较后会嫌弃。
试想想，往往我们嫌弃的会是我们没有的时候努力争取的那一个。

眼看身边的人，宁愿过奢华的生活也不想想有需要帮助的人。
午餐时候更看到一群拿着饭盒批评饭菜的上班族，也不曾想过其实这食物对很多很多人来说确实很丰富。
人啊人，什么时候懂得感恩呢？
尊贵的耶稣也只不过出生在小而不起眼的城市-伯利恒的马槽里。

我感恩。
我学习到原来施比受更为有福。

正义路

我感觉到上帝主宰我的生命。
他在我生命里掌权。
每当我意识着要做一些错的决定时，我的心里面有小声音在说：
嘿，错了哦。这不是上帝所喜悦的。
当然，决定权还是在我手中。
继续或否，由我自己来决定。

在这里我想说的是，我感谢上帝让我对圣灵敏感。
我感谢上帝在我生命里掌权。
更要感谢神对我的期望与爱。

父啊，我会做得更好。
也恳求你引导我。
将我分别为圣，走你所喜悦的路。

觉悟

今天，我茅塞顿开。
看到一首诗歌。
诗歌内容想对话。
有问，有答。

问的是，人为何来到这世界。
对生命充满着不满。
不满被带来这世界。
不满每天重复着同样的事情。
不满为什么要生存。
不满活着没意义。
很像我。
我曾经愤世。
我曾经怨父母带我来这世界。

答的，是那么的实在。
上帝的答案。
充满智慧，慈爱，仁慈，怜悯。
我应当为着生活而骄傲。
因为我的生命已经被主耶稣基督的宝血换取了自由。
我脱离了罪的捆绑。
上帝的爱子，主耶稣背负十架，使我不再为罪捆绑。
我应当为我的释放而骄傲。
我应当爱我的生命。
因为我的生命乃是主耶稣用他宝贵的血换取的。

我会很珍惜自己的每一分每一秒的气息。
我要用我的每一分每一秒去爱主。
上帝看见我的心。
他亦听见我心里的呐喊。
上帝爱我；我爱上帝。

---------------------------------------------------------

﹝人﹞
如果我的存在只像劃過夜空的流星
為什麼我總夢想永恆
如果我的出現只是一個意外的巧合
.........為什麼我渴望被愛
誰能聽見我，聽見我，我內心深處的吶喊
誰能告訴我，告訴我，到哪裡去尋找真愛
(2X)

請告訴我

﹝耶穌﹞
如果你的存在只像劃過夜空的流星
我不會為你苦苦等待
如果你的出現只是一個意外的巧合
我不會用性命來換
你可了解我，了解我，我因思念你心破碎
你可知道我，知道我，我對你的愛永不變

﹝合﹞
誰能聽見我 (可了解我) 聽見我 (了解我)
我內心深處的吶喊 (為你心破碎)
誰能告訴我 (可知道我) 告訴我 (知道我)
到哪裡去尋找真愛 (對你愛不變)

如果我的生命不是一顆短暫的流星...

寻觅

我一直在寻找自己的兴趣。
画画？弹琴？拍照？跳舞？唱歌？
原来我的兴趣往往都纸上谈兵。
我怕我对自己的兴趣是三分钟热度。
从小，性格都是如此。
前三者是我现在最想做的。
前三者也是需要花费很多才能做的。

我想画出天空。
蓝天，有白云的蓝天。
黄昏，金黄色的。
阴天，灰白得像回忆。
雨天，清洗着污染的空气。
风和日丽的天。
没有云的天。

我想画郊外。
很多很所的树。
不同种类。
嫩绿，深绿，黄叶，红叶。
千年老树；新生之树。
清澈的河。
远处可见数座的山。

我想画宇宙。
那天父伟大的创造。
冥王星，土星。。。。。。
很美。

我想画海底。
很多种类的鱼。
大的小的。
海底的珊瑚。
海星，海马，水母。
还有很多我未看过的海底生物。
与鱼儿们一起在海里起舞。
美，很美。

我想弹琴。
弹着那优美的旋律。
赞美我那三位一体的神。
我想创作。
奉献给我那爱我的上帝。

我想拍照。
拍下世界各地的景色。
拍下上帝赐给人那最美好的一切。
拍下回忆。
珍惜着上帝那慈爱且伟大的创造！

主啊！让我明白你的旨意。
让我更懂得在哪个地方服侍。
让我知道你要我做些什么。

一塌糊涂

我的人生到了一塌糊涂的级别。
我知道我凡事应往好方面去想，去看。
可是事实并非口说的那么容易。
原来当你环境还可以的时候，真的要未雨绸缪。
因为你不会知道明天，甚至下一秒会发生什么事情。
事情是在我们掌控之外的。
当然上帝仍然在掌权。
我不知道是否上帝在给我什么信息。
上帝，我说过，我的人比较愚钝。
我不知道什么暗示之类的东西，明确对我来说比较实在。
因为我怕自己故作聪明的去误解你的意思，扭曲你的旨意。
我不知道，恳求你告诉我好吗？

我的天空

我是那么的爱天空。
我爱云朵。
我爱蓝天。
我爱晚霞。
我爱早晨。
我爱黎明。
我爱所有上帝所造的一切。
是多么的完美。
没有能力买部DSLR, 唯有用手机把很美很美的天空拍下。
效果不能评了，毕竟只是手机照相，而且还透过办公室的一面窗。
如果有部DLSR，一切会更美。
手机拍出来的天空已经可以这么漂亮，更何况是实实在在的天空？
主啊！我爱你。
你让我享受你所造的一切。
是你让我更热爱生命！

紧张了

很习惯性的每天来我自己的布落格里。
唯有这个时候我才能很平静的去思考自己内心的情绪和想法。
终于，要等的电话都等到了。
唯一心烦的是原来自己会为了面试紧张。
相对起以前黄毛丫头的时候，自信心原来已经少了一半。
是自己当年不知天高地厚，抱着一个单纯的心还是现在自己的思绪太过复杂？
不知道。
只知道现在很紧张。
不知道明天电话面试会问我什么难题。
很怕很怕很怕。
原来真心要得到的东西会比不真心要得到的东西来得没自信。
我一直在问天父，这是偶然的吗？
还是天父的恩赐？
我不知道，因为他没有给我答案。
可我知道，如果这是父的旨意，我必然遵行。
觉得这份工已没有进步空间了。
我没可能一直这样待在这地方一直到我退休吧！
环境没能给我留下。
该走的也走了。
没什么可留恋的。
没真么可回味的。
因为外面的世界仍然很大。
祝我成功！

当朋友说，做生不如做熟。
到一个新的环境要开始适应人，工作，环境。
我意味着。
可到了现在，我也甭管了。
廿七岁的我去适应新环境，新人物，新工作，总好比中年时适应好吧！
如果不做这个决定，我想我以后会遗憾。
我说过，我不会再做一些令自己遗憾的决定。
因为我已经有太多的遗憾了。

离开书本也有数年了。
原来要开始啃书会比较难。
可是上帝确实赐给我智慧。
感谢你，天父。
我知道我能过明白书本上的解释并不是因为我聪明，乃是主你的指引。
感谢你，天父。

紧张紧张。

前方的路

学无止境。
可是我真的很懒惰。
我知道成功并非偶然，必须付出代价。
现在才知道这么难。
不知道前方如何。
可我知道前方必有主掌权。
完全交托吧！
能否只有主知。
努力过就好。
尝试过就好。
祝我成功。

活在当下

二十七年前的今天，我妈妈大概还在医院吧。
护士忙着换尿布，喂奶等等等。
我则喝奶睡觉大小便。
旁边的大人们则把我抱来抱去，呵护着。
转眼间，我已经牛这么大了。
舍不得岁月如此的快。
像闪电般。
纵使多么有钱的人都买不到光阴。
上帝是公平公义的。
每个人都只有廿四小时去用。
有几年的廿四小时就不知道了。
所以，我们都得把握每一个时刻，活在当下！

Merry Christmas - 圣诞节

圣诞节，是什么一个节日？
普天同庆，又怎么译？

圣乃圣子，至高至圣上帝的儿子。
诞乃诞生，降世为人。
至高至圣上帝的儿子诞生降世为人的节日。

普天同庆，乃全世界在庆祝这位君王的诞生。
全国，全球，在十二月份特别感到最为温馨，最为温暖。
就为着上帝无条件且伟大的爱，他赐给人他唯一的儿子，主耶稣为我们的“礼物”。

神羔羊，宝血为我们流。
胜死亡，荣耀的复活。
耶稣，宝贵神羔羊，
为我们受死，为我们复活。

十二月二十五日在伯利恒出生。
他早知道会被钉死在十字架上。
可是他并没有违背天父的旨意。
用圣子的宝血来换世人的罪。
还未被钉上十字架之前，被鞭打，自己还要扛那笨重的十字架。
再也没有这么伟大的爱了。

父啊，在这圣诞节里，恳求你融化我们每一个人的心。
让我们敞开我们的心让你进来。
恳求你在我们的生活里居首位。
父啊，感谢你的圣诞节礼物 - 主耶稣基督。

I love you, my heavenly Father

Lord, I love You.
I've been so disobedient and yet You love me.
Lord, I know, You love me.
Your love is so great, till You gave us Your only son, Jesus Christ.
What I have done for You, Lord?
None!
And You still love me, Lord...
Why? I'm so lost...
The crusifixion of Jesus touches my heart.
I have no excuse to deny Your love.
May Your love touches everyone of us in the earth!
May everyone of us love You whole heartedly, Lord, for You alone are worthy, for You alone, Lord!
You are the Lord of Lord, Kings of Kings!
I love you, my dearest heavenly Father.
You are so near, inside my heart!
I love you, I love you!

Scary

Human is a scary species. They might smile at you but they will kill you from the back. You couldn't know what are they thinking and what they want to do on the person they dislike.

There was a cooling air blowing towards me at the moment she smiled at me. I don't know how many sword has flew out from the smile. I rather she does not smile at me and that will make my feel better.

I don't understand what I have done on her to make her hates me.

Internal Affairs

Being a busybody person no doubt can help a person to climb higher, at the same time they will affect other people. Althought sometimes their intention is not bad one, but in actual fact, what they said will really make other person's life miserable. I wonder why some people does not know how to weight the importance of what they talk. The words that came out from their mouth haven't being filter from the brain. Or maybe they forgot to wash the filter in the brain and caused some leakage? I don't know. Anyway, just accept what it is and what has happend.

Waiting

I'm here waiting, waiting and waiting...
Patience testing has started.

Oh Lord!

Lord, I'm here to submit myself unto You.
Sometimes, I'll doubt Your love.
Sometimes, I'll ask why do You put me in such situation?
Sometimes, my faith to you wasn't that strong.

Lord, please let me know that no matter what happend, You are always there, to comfort me and to listen to me.
Lord, I believe that You could listen to the thoughts in my heart.
And I believe that You know what is the future of mine.

You ask me to wait for the perfect time and You will answer my prayer.
You ask me to wait patiently.
Your wisdom is much far away from human being themselves.
Please let me don't doubt on Your wisdom, Your kindness, Your love and Your mercy.
Because Your grace is sufficient for Your children.
Lord, your child is here, waiting for You, Lord.

Lord, let me listen to Your voice.
Let me know what I should do.
Let me know Your will.
Let me go through every difficult time, for You will go through with me and I'm not alone to go through it.

Lord, I know your love to me.
And so, please let me love you whole heartedly.
I submit my life unto You.
Please guide me.

Initmate Friend

I was very depress for the past 2 days.
I asked myself: Do I have an intimate friend?
I have friends, good friends. What about initimate one?
The one that I will go to when I really in depression.
The one that I cry infront of her/him without saying any words.
The one that understand my feeling without asking me any questions.
And I have got my answer: No.
Perhaps, I could only seek God when I am in this situation.
Talk to Him alone, cry to Him alone.

Unconcious

How good if I could go to beach alone.
A beach which is very far away from home and nobody knows me.
It could be better if I could lye on the beach with a glass of wine, sipping till I'm drunk.
To make my mind free.

I have no aim, no target, no motive, nothing.
I don't feel to work.
I don't feel to laugh.
I don't feel to talk, either.
I don't feel to go to a place which is full of people, I wish I could be alone.

Should I take a break? But I have just came back from vacation.
What's happening on me? I'm crazy, I think.

Coffee no longer makes me awake.
A depress person will be drunken by coffee, you think so? Yes.
Feel like crying.
Father Lord, what should I do?
I wish I could quit everything.
I wish I could give up everything.
I wish I could whole heartedly in serving you.
I guess this is the only source of joy.
I feel light when I seek you.
I feel light when I'm in church, singing and praising.

Rejoice

Could you believe? When I am so depress and pray to my Heavenly Father for joy, and I see this Bible verses:

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Depress

How to buy happiness? An object is not able to buy a non object things. How subjective is happiness? Who is real happy in this world? Happy may have limited time; joy in the heart is everlasting. Please fill my heart with joy, my heavenly Father.

Different

What should one do if they felt that the one they want is no longer the one they want? To leave? To remain? To compromise? dilemma...

House Moving

It's mid of the night and I am still very concious. Am I born to night sleeper? I fell asleep in the office this afternoon but I'm so energentic now.

6 hours later we will start our house moving. I believe that my parents and my brother is still awake on their bed. We have been staying in this rented house for around 2 years and 1 month. Is there any memory in this house? Yes, there is. But the memory is different from my previous home. This house is full of the memory of my niece whereas the previous one is my teenage life momories.

A lot of cartons at my house now, yet there are still a lot of things haven't been pack. Nobody will believe that we owned so many things, and most of them are nonsense. I told my mom that hopefully this is the last time for house moving.

I'm counting down the time to 7am so that I can help around. I am gifted to be healthy and energetic although my physical looks weak. I am so worry for my mom, who had dealing with all those renovation contractor for the pass 2 months. I thank her a lot. Of course, there were some argument during this period of time for different opinion and thoughts. But I really salute her. A 54 years old lady, dealing for the renovation, from A to Z alone. I love you, mom.

I pray to God, to give this house love, for He is the God of love. I pray for Him to be the head of our house. I thank Him for blessing us with this lovely home. Father Load, I thank You and I love You!

以马内利

昨天在主日崇拜里牧师用一个故事做结束。
故事里一个名叫李真真的少女在绝望中写了这个对联：
年年失望年年望；
处处难寻处处寻。
横批：春在哪里？

一个名叫郭沫若的帮她改了此对联为：
年年失望年年望；
事事难成事事成。
横批：春在心里。

因此而救了李真真的性命。这故事并不是明间故事，而是真实的，透过寻找器可以找到。


牧师很巧妙的换了横批为：
横批：主在心里；以马内利。

主啊，是的，你确实每一时每一刻与我们同在，在你字典里没有请假。
主啊，求你将我分别为圣，做你所喜悦的女儿。
主啊，求你圣灵浇灌我，让我有智慧与机会向身边的人述说你的福音。
主啊，感谢主你让我每天在你的恩典下渡过。
主，我爱您！

Me

Ever, I was a negative person. I see things in gray colour. I hate being borned, I hate this world and I keep asking my friend why did my parents bring me into this world without my permission.

All sorts of thinking caused me to feel meaningless of life and I was living like a zombie. I keep working and working, day till night, Monday till Sunday. But I still feel that I have nothing, I'm still a loser! My family like to compare me with my cousin and others. They said that my cousin could even earn more without a degree certification. At that moment, I keep asking myself: what I am? and why I am here to being compare? Why to get a degree certification? What for to study so hard? I was not happy, I was under such pressure, as my family thought money is everything. They keep washing my mind to earn more money.Life is so meaningless. My heart wasn't fill by the money that I have earned, the void and emptiness has occupied my heart.

I was thinking to get mad so that I'm not concious to think those life issues. I hope that I could meet with an accident to end my life and leave this ugly world. I hate the ugly side of this world, robbery, raping, murdering, kidnaping...all sorts of negative news. I have a mindset of not bringing new life into this ugly world. Human is selfish, cruel, cold hearted and I do not want a life to enter this ugly world.

Bible said that, God so love this world even human has betrayed Him. He gave us His only son, Jesus, to be sacrifice on the cross, and to use His precious blood to wash away our sin. This is His way to show us His mercy and love. He wants a good relationship between Him and human. Even we have sinned, done a lot of things that wasn't good, yet, He still loves us. Why? No reason, the love is just like a parents love their children with no reason, with no condition. He wants human to repent, to change, to obey His word, for He is the father and the creation.

My friend asked me, why did God allow human to sin? God gave human freedom. He doesn't want to create a robot, with all the program set and under His control. He gave human freedom to choose. That is why human can live so freely without the control of God. Our conscience will let us know what to choose, the correct one or the wrong one. As God's children, we knew that we should obey Him, to choose the correct one. Human sinned is because of the temptation of Satan. That is why Adam and Eve was asked to leave the garden of Eden, and sin entered this world.

I was revel in earning money. My time was full of earning money. I thought I was so high and successful among my friends. I was proud, and this proudness came out from my heart unconciously. I felt that I am at higher level. Until one incident strike me. Alvin had a sudden epilepsy when I was sleeping at a very peaceful night. I was so thankful to God that I was awake, as usually I am a very heavy sleeper. Without any consideration, I inserted my fingers into his mouth. My fingers felt like breaking and I was so nervous. I do not know what to do and keep shouting his name to make sure he can return to concious. Finally, he was awake and I was relief. I'm so worry that epilepsy will hit him again. I keep praying for him. I realize that only through prayer, he can be saved and only through prayer, I could have peace. From there, I realize that how great is God's love. He gave us His son, Jesus. Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross, showed us the unlimited and uncondition love from God! The pain of my finger awaken me. How much pain was Jesus suffering on the cross, just to wash away our sin. He was being beat by horsewhip while taking the wooden cross to the place where he was being hang. My pain is nothing if compare to the pain Jesus faced.

I realize the grace and love from God. He loves me, in Him, I found the meaning of life. When I was a sinner, God tressure me. In Him, I'm His lovely daughter. I free my heart from hatred, but of course I still have room of improvement, which I should have love my enemy, too! I no longer take but I learn to give. I was so free and light when I really let go. My heart is soo free, when I forgive people. I could feel the joy inside my heart.

My friend asked me, if you said God is love, but why did He allow bad things to happend in good people? The biblical answer is there are no “good” people. The Bible makes it abundantly clear that all of us are tainted by and infected with sin (Ecclesiastes 7:20; Romans 6:23; 1 John 1:8). Romans 3:10-18 could not be clearer about the non-existence of “good” people: “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one. Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit. The poison of vipers is on their lips. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know. There is no fear of God before their eyes.” Every human being on this planet deserves to be thrown into hell at this very moment. Every second we spend alive is only by the grace and mercy of God. Even the most terrible misery we could experience on this planet is merciful compared to what we deserve, eternal hell in the lake of fire. Yes, sometimes bad things happen to people who seem undeserving of them. But God allows things to happen for His reasons, whether or not we understand them. Above all, however, we must remember that God is good, just, loving, and merciful. Often things happen to us that we simply cannot understand. However, instead of doubting God's goodness, our reaction should be to trust Him. ”Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

God wants us to see everything with love, for He is the love. For what reason I hate others? As He loves me when I was a sinner. He is the one and only one who has the right to judge a person. I'm just a ordinary person, with bad intention in my heart, with poison of vipers on my lips and I have no rights to judge or comment.

I love the creation of God, the sky, the cloud, the sea, the mountain.... When I went to Pulau Redang in 2008, I witness all the beautiful creation of God in the sea! How touched it was in my heart. He is the creation of the universe... and how great that He gave me the grace to enjoy His creation. The cloud and the raise of sun , which I saw when I travel in the plane. Everything that He created, is so nicely done and is indeed perfect! I love to live and live to love! I enjoy the creation of God. For how many people in this world appreciate what God has done for us? For how many people in this world has destroyed the beautiful part of this world? See things in a good and bright side with the love of God. I love my life, I love Jesus, I love Jehovah, for His love, when I was a sinner.

很想

从来，我就是一个很感性的人。
我常被情绪控制。
今天，突然很想我的朋友，一群很好很好的朋友。

自从中学后，我就告诉自己，朋友不过如此。
在这公司里，我找回以前的感觉。
那青涩的感觉。
没有戒备，没有保留，一群一心相待的朋友。
我在他们身上学习。
学习分享，学习不只为自己想，学习宽恕。

很想以前，很想很想。

人会因着时间而改变。
思想改变。
要求改变。
宝贵十架的爱永远不会改变。
那是上帝向人立的约。

主啊！有时候我很软弱。
甚至怀疑你对我的爱。
也怀疑你还看到我吗？
但你说，你今日爱我，你永远爱我。
主啊！我做了那么多伤害主你的事，你依然爱着我。
主你依然祝福我。
我怎么面对你呢？

恳求主你给我立志自新，回到主你的宝座前。
主恳求主你让我从此活着圣洁的生命，使我不再软弱。
恳求主你让一切不义离我远去，洁净我的心思意念。
也恳求主你让我不再沉淀于作恶里，因主你说，在基督里我们是新造的人，旧事已过，都变成新的了。
不再让我活在罪里，就因着主你不曾放弃我。

放弃

终于，好朋友的婚宴已圆满结束。
很替她高兴。
愿上帝的恩典满满的赐给她。
愿她俩的婚姻可以在上帝的爱中得以美满。

尤其是在教会宣誓的那一刻最为感动。
在父上帝那里的见证，在父上帝那里的宣言，上帝的祝福，从未停。
上帝见证了他们的爱情，婚姻，宣誓。
无比的感动。

父啊！你曾放弃过我吗？
在我很叛逆的时候。
父，你曾讨厌过我吗？
在我拒绝你的时候。

牧师说，不是的。
上帝从未放弃过我。
希伯来书13章5节下半节：上帝说，我总不撇下你，也不丢弃你。

主啊！你为何那么看得起我呢？
我灰心了主。。。 你知道吗？
告诉我，我应当靠什么去支撑呢？
主啊！你听见我吗？
你告诉我，好吗？
只要是你说的，我都听。。。
我只靠你喜乐，我的阿爸天父。

倾听我心

当我悲伤难挨
诉不尽最深的悲哀
亲爱主 哦 我的主
恳求你倾听我的心

当我希望满怀
道不出最美的期待
亲爱主 哦 我的主
求你你倾听我的心

求你聆听我每一个心跳
那时我最虔诚最渴慕的祈祷
求你聆听我每一个心跳
告诉我你什么都明了

Chanllenge

My challenge has begin...
Oh Lord, please be with me, and let me know, You are with me.
Let me feel no fear, no anxiety, no worry, no anger.

Break

I felt that I really need a break.
Over tiring for job, house cleaning, house eletrical appliances arrangement and etc.
I agreed to what Ah Sa said during lunch time.
There is no more 'ohm' when we do not have passion in our work.
In a result, I tend to be so lazy in my work, I don't feel like leaving my comfortable bed in the morning, my foot path towards the office is very heavy.

I'm totally stuck.
My brain, my body.
They are not up my control.
Slept in the office when I arrived in the morning and after lunch.
How good if my house is my office.

Slowly, I take away the burden.
Let it be.
I believe that God will take care and He will provides.

When I learnt to let go, I feel so free.
I no longer compare myself with others.
I no longer get envy on others.
In fact, I really bless them in my heart, hope they are doing fine.
Thank you God for taking away my jealousy and hatred =)

I'm free, in burden. Somehow, I still need some break.
So, i'm very slow now, in doing things and in task settlement.
Forgive me if I'm too slow.

当爱情变质

昨晚失眠了。
很累的身躯，很精神的脑袋。
不停重复那几段话。
很不甘心。

手提电脑播着歌曲，《无眠》。
你被我的歌曲声量吵醒。
你问：这么晚了怎么办不睡？
我答：睡不着。
你问：想他了吗？怎么一整天都播这首歌？
原来8年了，我们行同陌生人。
在心灵上。
原来8年，你还不了解我。
原来8年，你还是耿耿于怀。

终身伴侣的定义是什么？

躺在床上，尝试入眠。
突然你说了：你有觉得最近我俩一直有争执吗？
我答：有！
你说：不如你暂时搬回你家。
我，沉默。

原来，你还是以前的你。
面对问题只会逃避的你

从什么时候开始，我把重心放在我家人那里；而你也把重心放在你家人那里？

我问我的朋友，我是否得寸进尺了？
她，马上的回答：是！

是吗？
是我沉醉在人让我的世界里吗？
是我麻木于大女人主义吗？

我自问很多事情我都不管。
只要不要踩进我的单范围，我是不会出任何一句话。

失眠的时候，看了朋友的电子面书，把宝宝未出世的扫描一直到出世的照片。
我想，他们在等待宝宝出生的那一段日子是期待的，欢喜的，高兴的。
而我也看到我们的将来。
等待宝宝的出生是懊恼的，担心的，争吵的。

爱。
上帝给了人爱。
也因为爱，他没有放弃我们。

我和你之间，还有爱吗？
我们有互相尊重过对方吗？
我们有与对方好好沟通彼此需要什么吗？
我们有谅解对方吗？

原来爱可以从甜蜜转变成痛苦。

可以回到以前吗？
以前当我重心在你，你重心在我的时候。
以前当我们都没有把家人带进我们的关系的时候。
以前当我们都没有把宗教带进我们的关系的时候。
以前当我很期待天天与你见面的时候。

我们。。。去别地方走走好吗？
一个月，一年。
只有我俩。
没有父母，没有兄弟姐妹，没有三姑六婆，没有拜拜，没有七月，没有符水，没有清明。

是我们爱错了吗？
一开始就错了？
将错就错？
还是及时刹车？

无奈

我向来在我家人面前是个报喜不报忧的。
请别逼我！

为什么我身边的朋友都可以有自己的生活，唯独我？
美奕，益明，爱玲，佳慧，康菁，Mei，欣仪。。。。。为何我不能？

我情愿小一点的房子，700方尺也好，只要是我俩的天地，我会比住洋房更开心！

8年了，你了解我吗？你知道我要什么吗？

每次你都说只有我俩，但为何我听到的不是这样？？ 到底哪个才是对的？到底真相是什么？？

2005 年我很开心，以为已经拥有我俩的地方。好不容易的，期待了5年的房子终于好了。可是换来的是我很不能接受的事。虽然你一直再次的否认。

5年，我不知道电视机播着什么节目。
5年，我没有一个好好可以放衣服的地方，
5年，我没有像家里那样，要开冰箱拿什么吃就拿什么浩浩荡荡的在客厅里翘脚看电视吃。
5年，我没有一个可以晒私人衣裤的地方。

如果一切可以从来，我宁愿我那晚没有去The Cafe庆祝莹的生日而认识你。
又或者，如果我现在可以再选择，我必定选择一个人。

原来当爱情变成感情的时候，就是由两个人变成两家人的时候。
看到朋友在电子面书上的结婚照，然后又看到朋友们的祝贺的时候，我并不觉得以后我和你的婚礼是件幸福浪漫的事。反而，我觉得对我是件很烦恼的事。

现在的我，对爱情没有从憧憬，没有幻想。
请容许我说，我与你的开始是个美丽的误会。

Where is the spark

Ever a friend of mine told me that the most beautiful part of love is when it starts to spark. Everybody is desperate for this moment. Who should make the first move? Does he/she like me? What if he/she does not like me and I have already confessed? It may cause embarrassment then. How to continually be friend?

Maintenance is needed after the spark. Most of the couple will firstly cover themselves, if they weren't friend at the beginning. After sometime, we will have our 'real me' to leak out, either consciously or unconsciously. Later, when they are close to each other, then there start complains. This is when 爱情 turn into 感情.

There will always be room of imagination if both of them did not start their relationship. This is because they have not seen the 'real me' and do not face the reality of life together. Disagreement always lead to argument when couple face reality of life together. Who should listen to who? First, second or third time maybe the man will listen to the lady. But will this stay forever? This is when both party change their focus from their naive love to their family. Or, this is when both party is so weak to fall to another relationship, to betray their love one. Because the sweetest part of love is when it beginning to spark. When the sparking ends, then the feeling has gone and some bitter one might interfere. If one continue the affair and break up with their partner, he/she might need to go through the process again, and again. Unless, they really can get a partner that is a 'yes' man/lady, that do not have any personal thoughts, just like a robot to be control by people.

Respect, the most important key in one relationship. The key of respect will solve the problem of eager, anger, jealousy, hatred, egoism and etc etc... How to get the key?

I miss the spark so much!

好想一个人

什么时候，我们的争执又多了？
什么时候，我们的意见不同了？
什么时候，我们像似最熟悉的陌生人？

累了，静了，算了。

结婚，是当一对男女有共识，彼此能把自己交托给对方的那一个时候结合成夫妻。
一辈子彼此扶持，彼此鼓励，彼此解决问题, 或称 submissive。
一对男女由陌生人，成朋友，成恋人，就应当更爱对方；而不是因为相当熟了而把事情看成那么的理所当然。Don't take things for granted on the one that are close to you.

所谓的为了结婚而结婚，就是如此。
就因为走在一起就了，理所当然的结婚。
结了婚，理所当然的生孩子。

对我而言，结婚非常神圣。
双方必须真正的爱对方，愿意将自己以后的人生都与对方度过，而且能爱对方的家人。
为什么我做不到呢？
是我把自己给放大了吗？
还是我比较适合一个人？

我没办法爱他家人。
尝试了很多次，依然失败。
为什么？
不知道。。。

很想像小时候那样依偎在父母怀里。

Distance

When you know a person deeper, the chance of losing them is higer.
I am having a feeling now... So near, yet so far.
Near in the distance, far in the heart.

婚礼

终于，期待很久的婚礼已经在昨晚圆满的话上句点。
很享受婚礼的每一分每一秒。
朋友的笑声，喧哗声。
那么的温暖。
新郎官与新娘子幸福的笑脸。
很想上前给他们一个祝福的拥抱。
可是他们身边总是围绕了很多亲朋好友。
开心，开心，还是开心。
唯一遗憾是没办法初期婚礼前一晚的聚会。

我亲爱的朋友啊！
祝你们永远的幸福。
我亲爱的哥哥阿嫂啊！
祝你们白头偕老。

这美好的记忆会永远在我脑海里。
祝福你们，真心的。
祝福你们，真挚的。

爱你们哟！

我的人生

我的人生只有两个字可以形容 - 失败。

不想讲太多。
有人的地方，问题就存在。
哪怕是和尚，尼姑，牧师，道士。

Release

Being humble is really a good feeling. When you don't mind of losing to others and being very low profile, or being happy for the winner, then, you are the winner, too! I like this feeling. Because I don't need to use up a lot of strength to fight for the victory.

When I saw something, which I was so mind last time, then I realize that I had release. The feeling is great! No more hatred, no more jealousy. There are only tons of blessing, to hope that they will be happy ever after!

HELP

I'm asking for help. Can You hear me???
You are the Lord of the universe.
You created human with liver, heart, lungs, kidney and etc.
Everything is just so perfect.
But why those "engine" can me malfunction?
You are the creator.
Can You reset everything back to "factory default"?
I'm so helpless... Please, help my Lord!

一句感动的话感动

觉得这句话很感动。
“传道者的血是福音的种子”

喜乐

当我说：“我已经放下”的时候，我真的已经放下。
因为是上帝让我体验到，他凡是都看顾。
在我很怀疑的时候。
在我很执著的时候。
在我很低潮的时候。
上帝实实在在的让我体验到他对我的爱。

朋友告诉我，上帝每天用笑脸对我们，然而我们有什么理由不笑？
是的。
我们在世上遇到的难题，苦楚，有耶稣那样的痛吗？
我们有招人用口沫吐弃吗？
我们有被人用鞭子鞭打吗？
我们有被人用石头丢伤吗？
没有！那我们凭什么怨天尤人？
我们凭什么说我们很苦？
我们凭什么说做人没意思？

耶稣说，你们要常喜乐。
因为我们已经的着了生命！

审判台

我上了审判台。
没有判官。
我自判死刑。

心情很复杂。

主啊！我求你告诉我，我与她之间的关系。
我由很坚定的相信主你爱我，到有时的犹豫，再回到主你让我经历主你的爱那一刻，我就深信主你是爱我的。
反而我和她的关系，却是我相信我们会很好，到我犹豫，到主你给我感觉到你会祝福我们的友谊。可是我现在却感觉到，原来我们还是个隔了一道墙。

Peace

When I see the word "peace" from my friend's email, my first thought in my mind was, come on, where can you find peace in this world?

If human can tolerate each other, there will be no war, no argument, no confrontation in this world. Wife can stay with in laws without any complains from both party. Husband gets no headache from the complains and can be sandwich free. Mom will stop complaining about crazy neighbour. Residents can live in peace if government stop the confrontation.

Somehow, toleration has it's limit. The stronger party might take things for granted and the weaker part will keep silent until the weaker person could not stand the tolerance and then it burst! Chinese proverbs, you give a person an inch and they ask for a meter. If a country is being attack by the other country, for sure they have to fight back, to protect their nation. They shouldn't because of the world "peace" and keep quiet for letting people to attack them. So, this world will never be peace! Unless, there is no one who finds trouble. Then only, the world has peace.

道不同，不相为谋！

颜色

今天的天仍是蓝色。
今天的草仍是绿色。
灰色代表我的心情。
红色布满白眼球。
粉红色渗透我的鼻头。
白色显得我很苍白。
黑眼圈明显加深。
笑个吧，强颜的。

原来当我想找人倾诉的时候，连一个知心的都找不到。

需求

人不断的进步；需求也不断的增加。
回想古代的人，虽然他们的时代没那么发达，可是他们依然可以很平静的度过每一天。
现代人，钱赚多了，需求更是离谱。
然后就会很执著的，不断的要求。
为了得到，就拼死命的赚钱，甚至忽略了亲人，健康，良心。。。
古代的人，要求的只不过是三餐温饱，家人开开心心的在同一屋檐下。
现代人，如果没有需求就会让人说你没有大志，没有理想，没有责任。
上帝造人是要人去追求物质的东西吗？
盲目的追求，忘记了当年的纯真。
盲目的追求，失败了就生不如死，像世界末日般。
盲目的追求，拿自己和朋友比较。
到后来痛苦的是自己。
听过一个访谈，她说：“欲望增加，快乐减少，纯真也不见了。”
这个正式反映现代人的状况。

人其实是在互相伤害。
生意人推出了很潮流的货品。
愿的是有很多很多的销售。
而消费者就为了你有我要有就涌去买。
如果你没有，就是没经济能力购买，或是跟不上潮流。
“啊~这个现在全部人都在用，你还没有吗？”
说者有意，听者很气，卖者获意。
知足常乐吧！
我们比起很多人已经是很好了。

I'm Back!

I'm back! My passion is back! My spirit is back!
I'm full of energy now, to face all challenge!

From today onwards I'll hunt for a good job.
My part time one can do during weekend and late after work.
Don't give too much pressure to myself.
Look upon God who gives me strength =)

Fair or Unfair?

My friend asked me: Will a sinner be forgiven and go into heaven if he accept Jesus Christ? If so, then it's unfair to others. Because he killed, he commited crime and yet he is able to go into heaven just only because he accepts Jesus as his savior.

Yes, a sinner will be forgiven if he really repent and confess his sin towards God with his truthful heart. But of course, if he continues to commit crime, the Holy God will for sure to have judgement against this person. If that person really repent with his truthful heart, he will then love God, and follow what Jesus Christ teaches in the Bible. The love of God will change the sinner. If that person really love God, he will then have the act that will glorify God's name.

But, why does God forgive a sinner which really very very bad at the extend of rob, murder, rape and etc.? Just because He loves us. We are His children. He wants his children to look upon Him. Just like a parents, they will forgive their children no matter how wrong is their children. They will give their children chance to change to be good. Nothing to be said fair or unfair. Just think that, one couple has 3 children. 2 of them used to be so bad and commited a lot of crime. But if their children really regret on what they have done and seek for the forgiveness from their parents, I'm for sure that the parents will forgive them. Just because of LOVE. Our heavenly Father is waiting for His children to look unto Him. He loves us, and the love is uncondition. If we love our parents, will you hurt them? You will definitely not. It's same, if you love our heavenly Father, you definitely will not do things that will hurt Him.

If you really seek unto Him and accept Jesus Christ with your truthful heart, then, you will gain the salvation forever. Our mercy Lord will not leave you in future and you are His child forever. He will not abundant you suddenly, for He is mercy and He is the love.

http://www.gotquestions.org/forgive-same-sin.html

Child Sponsorship

Once before I thought of sponsoring a child. The thought is without any action taken. I regulary visit www.gotquestions.org for Bible questions and noticed that they do have child sponsorship program. The difference between gotquestions.org child sponsorship and world vision is, gotquestions.org mainly sponsor South America and India region's children whereas worldvision is on Thailand, Indonesia and Loas. I have concern on my financial status because I have lots of commitment. Gotquestions.org child sponsorship needs USD38 per month which is approximately RM120+. I'm struggling inside my heart. But when I see on the helpless children's face, my heart feels sour and the tears drop inside my heart. They are so cute... why bring suffer to them?Action is not been taken. Because USD38 to me is really a lot. Though keep on browsing the website and seeing such pityful children...

I went to youtube and search for Christian hymn and found a song name "Send Me Lord". The MV of the song has been edited to the hopeless children, eating a simple white rice with a funny black things, which I don't really know what is that. They are smiling though.... Think of us... We have such a luxury life and yet we are still complaining that our life is tough, our work is tough, our meal is not good enough. What the heck are we thinking?! Every smile from the children is really from the bottom of their heart. Are we really that happy even though out life is better than them for hundred million of times? Can we really smile from the bottom of our heart? We are demanding for nonsense... we are seeking for never ending figure. Are we happy?

Jesus said: You will be happy if you give more. If you really wish to be blessed, you should give instead of take.

Why I can spend so much money just for a meal? This money could sponsor a child for one month. Why shouldn't I spend the money at a wiser place? RM50 is not enough for us to go for the buffet dinner. But this RM50 meant a lot to them!

O Lord, please send your mercy to the children that needs Your love.

Lyrics for "Send My Lord"

Tell me O Lord
how You want me to give Your life
To the world where there's no hope
Tell me O Lord
how You want me to give Your love
To the world where love went cold
Do You see all the people sinking down
Don't You see people aching in the darkness alone
Send me Lord Send me Lord
I am willing to give all
Send me out
to those who need Your hand
Fill me Lord Fill me Lord
Fill me with Your love for all
Reach Your hand to hold them once again

壮观

何谓壮观？
每个星期日教会敬拜赞美的时候，我觉得是最壮观的一面。
我愿天天都可以这样的敬拜称颂耶和华！

我深深感觉到上帝有多么的爱我。
纵使我以前犯了多么大的错。
他还是那么的爱我。
他依然那么的祝福我。
东离西有多远，他就使我的过犯有多远。
纵使世界充满了罪恶，可是上帝还是那么的爱世人。
就因为他先爱我们，我们也要因为他的慈爱去爱我们身边的每一个人！
我们起初不也是一个不配的罪人吗？
上帝依然爱我们，在我们还在做罪人的时候他就爱我们，而我们有什么资格去恨人？
在上帝还没审判的时候，我们有什么资格去批评人呢？
唯独耶和华上帝有资格去断定一个人是否有罪！

主啊！求你洁净我的心思意念。
不叫我用我的嘴唇去批评人的缺点。
因为我原先也是一个不配的罪人。
是主你让我在基督耶稣里成为一个全新的人。
主啊！我要感谢主你丰盛的恩典。
主啊！我要感谢主你让我每天都可以经历主你的爱。


《我的心，你要称颂耶和华》

我的心你要称颂耶和华
不可忘记他的恩惠
他赦免你一切过犯罪孽
医治你疾病复原
我的心你要称颂耶和华
不可忘记他的恩惠
他以仁爱慈悲为你冠冕
为受屈的人伸冤
天离地有多么的高
他的慈爱也何等的深
东离西有多么的远
他使我的过犯也远离我多远
耶和华有怜悯的爱
且有丰盛无尽的恩典
从恒古直到永远
耶和华他是我的神！

Friend

When we started to have friends? In my memory, my first friend is the one who lived at the same block with me when I were small, around 4-5years old.

As life goes on, we met diffrent people. We have different stages of friend, and different types of friend. Some of them, is like, I know who they are and they know who I am. We are not close, is a hi and bye friend. Some of them are intimate type. We share our happiness, sadness, being crazy for handsome boy, A-Z together. I have had this friends before in secondary school. Since when I am so far away from them? Even I tried to pull the distance closer, but it seems so far.

When I stepped into my college life, I have another group of friend. We hang out together, we study together, we play together... Till now we still attach to each other and have at least one gathering per month.

The next stage of my life is when I graduated from college and started to work. I have one close friend in my first job. We have lost contact since I left the company after my eleven months service.

I could say that the most precious thing of entering this current company is the friendship gained. From the first day when I report to work, I knew one friend. She's nice, capable, cute. The only thing I can't stand is when she complains. After all, she is a nice person. We are reporting to the same manager. Thus, we have to deal with each other very frequent. There was a time we worked together till 11.30pm.

Fate and same charateristic - crazy + like to make fun, pull 6 of us together after the second dinner night in year 2007. Before we were so close, we actually have 1 or 2 times of outing fuction, like karaoke and steamboat but we do not have lunch together. After that night, we joinned together, making fun, talking nonsense, gossip and etc everyday. I do not know whether others will felt that our laughter is ear pricking or not. But, I enjoy the moment. This is one of my two reasons why I am still here. Honey moon time will not last. 6 of us, CMM is the first to leave, then Ah Mei, Ah Ling is the next.

The leave of CMM... perhaps is good for her. With the inflation, she should go out and get a better income's job. She has to... She used to make everyone of us vomit blood with laughter. We do not know whether knowing her is good or bad. At the good aspect, you will never know such a person in your life. At the bad aspect, you really feel like killing her whenever she opens her mouth.

Ah Mei, the one that enlightened me the most, though she is younger than me for one year. God provides her wisdom. She can analyze things so well. But she dislike decision making. Decision making to her is like standing at the crossroad and is so difficult to decide which direction to go. Things make me to get mad of her is, she'll never punctual... Hehehe... Sometimes very hard to get her. Nobody will pick up the call even you call her... We have had misunderstanding. But I know God will bless our friendship.

Ah Ling, she's our joker. We never treat her as our entertainment officer, but when she is there, our laughter is always there. Although she makes a lot of jokes and people will thought that she is a happy go lucky person. But she is the one that cries very easily. She heart so softer than every other things. Others might feel that she is proud but she is really nice to be with if you really know her.

There are too many memories... I hope that my brain is good enough to remember all the good one and to forget the bad one. I hope that I won't get amnesia. If I really get it, I'll also remember all the friends that I had. I always tell myself that, friend is not for quantity, but is quality. God has provide me too many good things, and one of it is my precious good friends! Ever told CMM that, I have gave up to have best friend because of being hurt. But their warm friendship has burn my heart. I love them, and I really do! I believe that we are very close even we are apart from each other.

I need a change!

I want to change, changing to bad, changing to be con, changing to be cruel!

I want to think of myself only!!!

Why, why Bible teaches us to love everybody, especially your enemy?
How can I be kind like Jesus?

I easily get frustrated and angry.
But after a while i'm fine and become a rabbit again!
I want to be the lion!

I don't know the rules of the jungle.
Ever heard a friend of mine said that in her previous company, you will only get promoted if you tender you resigntion letter.
The jungle here is different!
You will get promote when your colleague in the same department tender their resignation letter!
Funny huh? It's not! It's silly!
Because the one get promoted is not be the one who is capable.
No qualification, no capability!
What is the world happening nowadays?

Fine, I want to be a house wife.
With no colleague.
With no management as I will be the top management!

机会

有时候我会问自己：
如果有机会再认识一个很好的人，我会放弃现在的，然后从新再来吗？
毕竟和他已经8年多了。

我想了想。
怎样算是一个很好的人呢？
基督徒，事业有成，更重要的是依然单身。
很好吧？

可是如果我因为这个原因而放弃一个在一起8年的人。
就因为他不是基督徒，我那么做，可以荣耀上帝的名吗？
我会使这个和我在一起8年的人对基督更反感。
不是这样的呀！
既然主已经把这个挑战交了给我，我就必须应战。
我必须奉着主耶稣的能力改变这和我在一起8年的伴侣。

在回家途中，宾说，如果不是遇见他，我并不会是一个虔诚的基督徒。
是吗？
应该是吧。
所以上帝才这样安排。
不管是怎样，我知道上帝的安排是最最最好的！
我要赞美主。
因为他没有放弃我。
纵使我犯了多么大的错，他依然那么的爱我。

求主赐我能力，耐力去完成他的事！
我爱你，阿爸天父。
我爱你，主耶稣！

I Love You!

I Love You Lord!
I Love You Jesus!

I wish I could scream now!

Father Lord, I thank you for giving me your only son!
Father Lord, I thank you for letting me to experience your love!
Father Lord, I thank you for not giving me up!

Jesus Christ, I thank you for your sacrifice!
Jesus Christ, I thank you for your mercy!

I thank you for Your love!

Just because of your love to us, let us response to your love with our love.
Lord Jesus, guide me, when my faith is weak.
Father Lord, draw me to your side, when I am down.

I never had such strong feeling....
Thank you for your love and response to me.
It's near, perhaps, Lord!
I know your time is the best time.
I'll wait, Lord... and YES, I will!
As Your love is so so so great, Lord!

输了

英格兰输了。
很激动，没办法接受事实。

6月14日

我要记得这一天。
今天的凌晨，我亲眼目睹了我这一生最难忘的一幕。
我重复的问，为什么上帝容许病痛在这世界上。
我不明白。
不断反复的想。
病乃是罪进入这世界的那一时刻就存在。
人从背叛神那一时，罪就进入世界。

人可以说是咎由自取。
同性恋导致的性病。
暴饮暴食导致的种种病痛。
是人不爱惜自己而得来的。

可是，我唯一不明白的是，为什么容许疾病的遗传?
父母把疾病遗传给孩子；又或者公公婆婆遗传给孙子。
我不明白上帝的人类学，物理学，又甚至是上帝的逻辑。
因为在上帝看来，2+5 并不等于7。
这是真实的。谁可以用自己的智慧去判断上帝所造或所成就的一切?

正当事情发生的时候，我不断祷告。
我深知上帝是大能的。
我深知上帝会医治。
我也祷告上帝给我有坚定的信心。
无论什么事情发生，叫我的信心不动摇。
无论发生什么事情，我依然要称颂他的名。
因为他必定有自己的旨意，乃是超乎我想象的。
就像我朋友告诉我，如果我的智慧我从1公里至1000公里；上帝的智慧乃是超越兆公里。

在事情发生的同时，我没想那么多，就直接用自己的肉体把事情阻止。
无论是多么的痛及难过。
我体会什么叫爱。

哥林多前书1：13
爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈。爱是不嫉妒。爱是不自夸。不张狂。
不作害羞的事。不求自己的益处。不轻易发怒。不计算人的恶。
不喜欢不义。只喜欢真理。
凡事包容。凡事相信。凡事盼望。凡事忍耐。
爱是永不止息。

我受的痛不及主耶稣的痛。
我的痛，虽说难过，但短暂。
我主耶稣，为了洗净我们的罪，被钉十字架，然后被挂起。
两手被钉，地心引力将他往下吸着。
血不停的流。
就是爱我们。
就是要救我们。
像似那一刻我要救我爱的人一样。
奋不顾身。
没有任何的劳怨。
没有任何的条件。
就因为 - 爱！

人啊！醒过来吧！
为造你的神。
为爱你的神。

低潮

我怀疑我正走向人生的低潮。
做什么事情都提不起劲来。
很忧郁，很混乱。
是我做太多了吗？
就像机器长期的操作，然后导致故障一样。
我尽量让自己开心的过每一天。
可是却很辛苦。

朋友问我，这么拼是为了什么？
我答不出来。
因为我自己也不知道为了什么？

阿姨说表妹不用开上大学，收入却近进二万。
我沉默了。
小时候，父母常说，要努力读书，以后才能找份高薪厚职。
但是看一看现在的我。
大专毕业，考了个硕士学位，却比不上不一个高中毕业生。
给人比了下去。

妈妈那里的亲戚都认最高元首的头像--钱。
我拼命的做，是为了争口气吗？
我拿名牌，是为了填补心里面的不平衡吗？
我是要给人家看，我现在赚很多吗？
拿了名牌又能怎么样？
也还不是被人说，人家不用上大学，薪水月入两万?

妈妈那里的亲戚常当阿姨是神般。
奉承她，赞赏她。
就因为她有钱。
而当我们一家透明。
妈妈也常会像我投诉说表妹很会做人。
出门旅游会买酒做阿姨的手信。
然后说我没用，枉阿姨那么疼我。
如果我是她生的，她应该了解我是一个不喜欢奉承人的人。
她应该知道我不喜欢做门面功夫。
为什么常给我话听?

从小，我就知道要买东西就要靠自己。
因为父母都会比较照顾哥哥。
而我就得存钱去买。
长大了，他们依然觉得哥哥是个小孩。
回吉隆坡途中，阿姨竟然跟爸说怎能让哥做一辈子工厂工人。
而爸就来问我有什么生意可以给哥做。
无形的压力再次在我肩膀上压得我好累。
我想放弃，放弃去想，放弃去做。
我在想：烦什么呢？为了自己而活就好了啊！
我做得像头牛，有舍人知道啊？！
累，很累。
唯有我的天父知道。
很想放下所有一切依偎在他怀里。

或许我的累是因为我很执著于世俗的眼光。
我很执著于赢和输。
其实我很想活得很简单。
可是为什么人常常要拿我来和其他人比较呢？
我是当事人，我不想比较。
拜托你们别再拿我来比较了好吗？

Survivor

Some used to say, the one that stays till the end is the survivor/victory.
What is my situation now? I do not want to be the heroin of survivor.

My friend said, if you can't change the environment, then we have to change ourselves.
Yes, so I'm chaging now. I'm so eagerly to get a job.

I'm so fed up with those stupid top management. I want to leave here as fast as possible. Without considering about anything. Benefit? none at all. Salary? low until you can't imagine. No hope, no future!

Time

Why did God creates 24 hours for a day?
I felt that time passes very fast nowdays. 24 hours seems not enough for me... gosh!

Waiting...

I'm having a very strong feeling.... to leave. Last time, I may consider this and that before appying for a job. But not at the moment. The moment I'm thinking now is to leave here, as fast as I could. I don't know the reason. Just felt that there is no hope here. Instead of complaining, it's better to save my time and energy to look for a better job.

I understand very clearly that working in IT field is my life time job. Though my part time income is more than the full time one. But what if I pay more attention to climb higher? Maybe I can make it up side down, who knows? Anything is possible.

Just hope that the house O.C. could be obtain soon so that I can ask my dad to help me on my part time job and I concentrate to be a programmer.

Its's Time

Recently, resign is just like a trend in my company. A lot of old staff resign. Some worked for 2 years, some 4 years... some even longer, 8 years.

There are so many farewell lunch and dinner within a month. Most of them will say: it's time to leave. "It's Time". Wonder when is my time.

I just had a conversation with my best friend (my god brother) last night. I told him that I cannot see any future in my career. I have no room of improvement in my company. 27 years old, still at the same level, i.e. junior executive. He has set his target, to be a manager before 30 years old. But what about me? What's my target? Alvin used to say, I don't need to have a target, just to treat my work as my pass time, relax and enjoy. I knew he does not want me to have such pressure like him. But then i'm really suffering in this situation. This is not me. As a 27 years old youth, I must have "omph" or else I'll like a zombie, wandering around without any meaning.

But, what about my biz if I were to leave this company? Can I cope? Can I have such flexible time? I don't know. I can't see and predict the future. But God can. I know He will guide me, provide me and comfort me. With the courage, I have just clicked to apply for a job at jobstreet. I'll just leave it as normal. Whether they call me or not, just leave it to my dearest father Lord!

为什么

为什么要对我这么好？
纵使你在别人眼中是多么的不好。
唯有我知道你真实的一面。
唯有我知道其实你很好。
尽管我每一次怎样任性，你对我还是一样。
为什么？

为什么你把好的都给我，自己却接管我的旧东西？
为什么你对自己吝啬，对我慷慨？
你这样会令我很内疚。
我觉得我很不好。。。=(
我要改变自己！对你很好。。虽然我说过很多次。。 可是这次一定成功！

Stupid People

Ever heard my friend told me that, an arrogant person in my company said he hates stupid people.

I have met a lot of stupid people recently. Just as simple as ABC task and they did everything up side down! Sucks! Really make my life so miserable. Just because of the up side down task, I have to rearrange my plan and it takes me time + energy to get things done. Fed up!

Eventually, I understand why somebody hates stupid people.

偏心

最近生意比起往常明显少了很多。
不知道原因。
试图邮件给以前的旧顾客。
也没回应。
得知她生意不错。
心里面难免不平衡。
可我常安慰自己，这一份收入是多赚的。
就别那么小心眼了。
所以我干脆不去她那里看。
有个时期没上那里了。
不知道她怎样？

有时候我心里的魔鬼会说，起初是我教她怎么做的。
可天使会说，是她找你一起做的，要不然就做不成了啊！
然后天使就会胜利，然后我就会祝福她。
有时候魔鬼会要我埋怨上帝偏心，特别照顾她。
然后天使就会说，难道你比她为上帝付出的还多吗？你有什么资格去埋怨上帝呢？
天使再次得胜，然后我会向上帝道歉。

其实，我应该知道，我现在所拥有的一切是上帝的祝福，上帝给我的恩典。
反之，我给了上帝什么？
只不过一星期一天，两小时的崇拜。
我还要奢求上帝给我什么呢？
看来我还有很多东西要学 - 感恩！

原谅

有时候我在想，原谅一个人是对的吗？
就算你原谅了那人，可是人家未必会像你这样想，可以忘记以前。
所以，还是不原谅算了。

然后我心里面又有另一个回音说：
上帝也原谅你啊！即使你做了多少错事，他也还是一次又一次的在原谅你。

是啊！因为上帝是最慈爱的！没有人能像他那样，忘记我们的过去。
所谓只记功，不记过。
所以啊，就算别人怎么看，怎么想，我还是原谅了。
即使他们还放不下以前。
我的心啊，轻松了许多。

如果

如果一个人告诉你，他怕他没能力照顾你，你会怎样？
如果是我，我会告诉他，我很独立，我可以照顾自己。
如果你爱那人，你根本不会怕你没能力照顾他，而是当下尽全力去照顾他，去保护他，根本不会想和他分开。

如果一个人告诉你，他和你没有缘份，你会怎样？
如果是我，我会告诉他，相爱不需要缘份，只有单恋被爱的人用缘份作为借口。
如果你爱那人，你根本不管有缘或无缘都会想和他在一起，甚至想把缘份操控在自己手里。不爱干脆说不爱，懦弱的人把责任推卸在缘份的文字上

如果一个人告诉你，他还是想过单身的生活，你会怎样？
如果是我，我会告诉他，在你还没做决定前你该想想到底自己想怎样才去行动。
如果你爱那人，你不会已经和他在一起而另一边霜想过单身生活，而是想和他度过每一时，每一分，甚至每一秒。

消化了，才知道原来是不爱了。

不负责人的人类

今天，我想推翻一句话：
前人栽树，后人乘凉。

Replace with:
前人砍树，后人心凉。

为什么要我们这一代的人以环保来补偿前人不负责人的行为？

珍惜

今天从看郑秀文和刘德华主演的《瘦身男女》。
感动。
感慨。

感动的是男主角对女主角的无条件付出。
没有要求任何回报。
在他为她牺牲的时候，并没有想过她会和他在一起。
而一心只想她能够已最佳状态去遇旧爱。

感慨的是女主角和旧爱分开的那一时刻开始，对对方的那分憧憬还在，对对方的那份幻想还在。
总是那么那么的爱着他，纵使是十年。
可是，当一个对她很好很好的人出现的时候，才知道原来对旧爱的幻想和憧憬只不过是个习惯。
在和男主角分开了才知道原来真正爱的人是他，而不是那一习惯的爱。

珍惜眼前人；
更要珍惜对你好的人。

Business Trip

He is going for business trip next month, for about one week.
Since 2005, I have never be seperated with him. We see each other everyday, have our dinner together almost everyday. One week, seems short, but it could be long, too. There is a chinese proverbs, it seems like 3 years if you do not meet a person in a day. One week = 7 days; 7 days = 21 years. Wow!

Hope that he will be traveling fine alone. Hope that he is secure by God, which evil spirit leaves him alone.

Hey, hope you can see this blog, and do remember to buy me a Burberry in Kansai Airport. If you are shortage of $$, Coach is also fine. If still shortage, then swap card first... Hahahahaha~~~ Come on la~ duty free ma... pls pls pls =)

心病终需心药医

Whenever there is a problem, there must a a root cause. A root that cause the problem. If you do not chop the root, you will never get your problem settle. The regret will stay in your heart... till you felt so sad, so regret... even for many many years later.

I guess I have found the root. Yes, 10 years after, and now, I found it. I'm gonna settle the things before I get myself settle down. I will chop away the root. I take up the courage and straight to the point, I asked the question. No matter what is the answer, I swear to myself that I will stop till then and continue for my happy life, and for the one that appreciate me =)

why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么 为什么

Programmer

No longer in archieve memory.

But this:

DELETE *
FROM MEMORY
WHERE (DATE >= '1/1/1998' AND DATE <= '31/12/2001') AND NAMELIST = 'ROY'

UPDATE PRIORITY
SET PRIORITY = 'IMPORTANT'
WHERE NAMELIST = 'ALVIN'

I'm free!

恋上 - 唯独你是不可取替

曾听说有许多恋爱
没有结果却剩伤心感慨
令我都刻意避开
是我不敢相信真爱
但你不惜真心真意对待
竟令我再感到意外
让我献出全部热爱全面喝彩

如果今天将失去眼前的一切
剩底清风两袖也不计
唯独你一个是不可给取替
是我生命里的一切

如早知今生跟你有幸可相爱
在当初应更努力为未来
其实我知道是可一不可再
下半生准我留住你一直相爱

谁似你这般欣赏我
谁也说不上你一般清楚我
问我可需要什么
愿你终生交托给我
让我一生好好把你照料
请让我体恤你需要
让我献出全部热爱
从来没缺少

如果今天将失去眼前的一切
剩低清风两袖也不计
唯独你一个是不可给取替
是我生命里的一切

如早知今生跟你有幸可相爱
在当初应更努力为未来
其实我知道是可一不可再
下半生准我留住你
一直相爱


如果在我婚礼上看见我上台唱这首歌，请不要希奇。
但得让我先喝醉壮胆 =)

荒唐

电子面书，一个很潮流的网站。
如果你没有电子面书的户口，或许你会被人家说你跟不上潮流的步伐。

我之前也很排斥这个“东西”。
觉得它弄得我头晕脑涨的。
现在，拥有这户口的其中一个原因是看看就朋友的近况。
得以知道他们的latest update。
就因为这所谓伟大的发明，我被很多难易接受的事实吓着。

先说，两个原本是认识的点头之交，在求学的大专根本是两个世界的人。
可是竟然给我在面书上知道他俩竟然结了婚。
根本是荒唐。

再来，两个原本是认识的死党，根本就是称兄道弟的关系。
也竟然注册结婚。
荒唐！

试问，世界上还有什么不可能的事？

爱情

爱情，可以很简单，也可以很复杂。

小时候，喜欢一个人，就是因为喜欢他而喜欢他。
长大后，喜欢一个人，会考虑很多因素。
会考虑他的家庭背景，人格，经济能力，等等。

很多时候，我们会发觉小时候我们喜欢的人，可能因为思想上的改观而分开。
试问，现在这个时代还会不会有单纯的爱情，不被污染的爱情？

以前妈妈常说爱情都是骗人的。
我先在回想起，其实不可以说是骗人。
而只不过是当纯洁的爱被沾污了以后，就不在单纯。
爱情里会有条件，会有比较，不会再是因为喜欢而喜欢。

如果可以单单喜欢一个人，而不管其它的事，那会有多好。
没有约束，不必讨好任何人，不必学习怎么做人， 就像我的世界只有他，而他的世界只有我这样。

曾经我很向往偶像剧里的童话故事那样。
当男女主角搬家的时候，没有想华人那三八的习俗择日。
也没有什么神座之类的。
也不会有什么三八的姨妈姑姐的出现。
就只因为爱而爱。

我不看偶像剧。
因为我知道这根本是不真实的。

飞吧！寻觅着单纯即简单的爱。

Tired

I'm so so so tired.

Do you agree that the concept of give & take is true?
I give my health & time to take money.

Does it worth to do so? When can I stop this stupid daily proceess? When can I really live for myself? I'm so tired!

Happy Day!

一个家是如何组成的？
我的观点，一个家是由两个相爱的人开始。
两个人，彼此有共同点，愿意把自己交托给对方开始。
两个人，愿意一起生活，一起为将来打拼。
两个人，一起付出，为一个家而付出。
我相信我们可以 =)

成功之途 The path of success

有时候我们会很羡慕别人的成功。
成功于 - 金钱上的富足。
成功于 - 名利上的知名度。

在羡慕人家的当时，有没有想过别人成功背后的辛酸？
别人是付出了多少的努力，多少的牺牲（时间上，睡眠上，健康上）才能有现在被人羡慕的成就？
眼前看到的是他人的成功；背后的努力又有谁知晓？

一个歌手，一个演员的成功并不是必然的。
他们所付出的努力是一般发大明星梦的人所不能想象（当然，别说那些走后门的）。
他们牺牲睡眠，自由，饮食等等。

所以，每一次谈及谁谁谁很富有的时候，我就会想，他们以前也穷过。
可是他们能有今天，是一手争取与努力所换得的。
如果天天返九放五，那就别常埋怨。
所谓种瓜得瓜。
难道你撒一颗种子，你会拿到整片森林吗？

钱

JERKS!

Look at this!!! Human, the most evil species in this world! There is demand, and there is supply! STOP all this!

哭

自小，我就是个爱哭鬼。
宾叫我哭包。
看戏我会哭。
伤心我会哭。
生气我会哭。
有时在教堂我也会哭。

虽然我是个哭包，可是我却很讨厌男人流泪。
流泪的男人会令我很反感，就算他是多么的帅。
眼泪，会令一个猛男变娘娘腔（我自己的观念）。
就算一个男人多么的伤心，眼泪也因该留在心里。
又或者在一个没人看见的地方流泪。

初中二，有个同班的异性，就因为我的一句话而在我面前流泪。
泪流满面还不要紧，竟然连鼻子也红红的，眼泪不停的从戴着眼睛的红湿眼眶流出。
而朋友不断在安慰他，指责我的错，说我应该给他机会。
到今天我还记得那画面，不尽打冷颤。

高中二，有个朋友，在我跟他说了我们不可能后，在我家篱笆外哭着要我回心转意。
现在想了想，画面很恐怖。
一个大男人怎么可以为了爱或女人而那么失态？
男人不是应该把事业放第一位吗？
是我太老化吗？毕竟那时候才高中二，有谁会去想什么事业的？
总而言之，我不喜欢“为子亡国”的男人。

到了现在，我依然很坚决的人为男人不该轻易流泪。
如果忍不住，就找个地方流吧！
我还是比较喜欢坏一点的男生。
至少当我在流泪的时候，他不是也跟我一起在哭，不然我真的会翻白眼。

探讨世界

清明节快到了。
往年的清明节，我都会陪妈去外公的坟前放花纪念外公。
外公，很疼我。
如果他还在的话，那该多好。
小时候的我，长得不可爱。
姑姑叔叔们都疼爱着哥。
因为他是长子滴孙，而且长得很可爱。
唯有外公疼我。
外公，现在在哪里呢？
我不知道，地狱吧！我想。

外公是个好人，最遗憾的是他没信主。
我不知道死后上帝还会不会给人机会去接受他。
还是死后直接就审判一个人在世时有没有承认他，然后直接下判断。
但上帝终究是慈爱的，我想他应该会人机会吧！
毕竟人乃上帝造的。
上帝的作为没有人可以理解。

有时候，我觉得我的人生只有工作。
不停的工作。
人的一生，并不是工作而已。
我有很多的疑惑，很多的为什么。
很想去探讨。
另一方面，我在想，很多事情都解释不了。
因为谁能明白上帝的作为呢？
有些事情就连科学也解释不了。

你说世上没有鬼吗？
圣经里记载耶稣有赶鬼（撒旦）。
科学能解释吗？
我要怎么去探讨呢？
别发白日梦了。。。工作去吧！

Forget & Forgive

以前，我有很多的朋友。
因为某些误会，已经没联络。
甚至，不想和对方联络。
就算在电子面书上看到，也不会把对方加在自己的contact里面。
即使在外碰面，也会当作不认识对方。

近几天来，我认为，我应该像主耶稣一样。
原谅过去，忘记背后。
按奈在心的面的挣扎，终于释放了出来。
每次会耿耿于怀，但经过那一次的释放，我终于把他们加在电子面书里。
我已经知道他们必不会点击accept。
而答案正在我的预料中。

可是我却是那么的释怀。
因为我不再执著。
因为我已经把仇恨放下。
因为我开始学习怎样去爱我的仇敌。
正如圣经里主耶稣的教导一样，要爱我们的仇敌。
原本在心里面的大石头终于在我点击加他们为朋友那一秒消失。

方大同在MyFM里有说道，因为我们把敌人放大，所以会耿耿于怀。
是的，我现在是那么的轻松。

原来爱仇敌也可以那么的开心。
主啊！有谁能像你那样的爱我们。
忘记我们曾背叛你，依然的那么爱我们。
主啊！虽然我们看不见你，可是你却那么实在的在我们心里。
求主你给我们能永远爱你，因为你先爱我们。

不舍

终于，到了这一天。
灰色的天空仿佛诉说我的心情。
不舍，难过。

寂寞

曾看过一段文章，里面有一句话深深的烙印在我心里。
“狂欢是一群人的寂寞。”

如果这句话是对的，那，我爱上了寂寞。

牧师说，现代人的心灵都很空虚。
是的，我这么认为。
因为我曾经是其中的一个。
现在的我，心里是充实的。
因为有他在我心里。
谢谢你，我亲爱的天父。

God

To my friend, who asked me: God exist first or universe exist first. Of course, universe is created by God. Nobody see God before, but we sense His grace, protection, and love.

The existence of God cannot be proved or disproved. The Bible says that we must accept by faith the fact that God exists: “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6). If God so desired, He could simply appear and prove to the whole world that He exists. But if He did that, there would be no need for faith. “Then Jesus told him, ‘Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed’” (John 20:29).

That does not mean, however, that there is no evidence of God’s existence. The Bible states, “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world” (Psalm 19:1-4). Looking at the stars, understanding the vastness of the universe, observing the wonders of nature, seeing the beauty of a sunset—all of these things point to a Creator God. If these were not enough, there is also evidence of God in our own hearts. Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us, “…He has also set eternity in the hearts of men.” Deep within us is the recognition that there is something beyond this life and someone beyond this world. We can deny this knowledge intellectually, but God’s presence in us and all around us is still obvious. Despite this, the Bible warns that some will still deny God’s existence: “The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God’” (Psalm 14:1). Since the vast majority of people throughout history, in all cultures, in all civilizations, and on all continents believe in the existence of some kind of God, there must be something (or someone) causing this belief.


In addition to the biblical arguments for God’s existence, there are logical arguments. First, there is the ontological argument. The most popular form of the ontological argument uses the concept of God to prove God’s existence. It begins with the definition of God as “a being than which no greater can be conceived.” It is then argued that to exist is greater than to not exist, and therefore the greatest conceivable being must exist. If God did not exist, then God would not be the greatest conceivable being, and that would contradict the very definition of God.


A second argument is the teleological argument. The teleological argument states that since the universe displays such an amazing design, there must have been a divine Designer. For example, if the Earth were significantly closer or farther away from the sun, it would not be capable of supporting much of the life it currently does. If the elements in our atmosphere were even a few percentage points different, nearly every living thing on earth would die. The odds of a single protein molecule forming by chance is 1 in 10243 (that is a 10 followed by 243 zeros). A single cell is comprised of millions of protein molecules.

A third logical argument for God’s existence is called the cosmological argument. Every effect must have a cause. This universe and everything in it is an effect. There must be something that caused everything to come into existence. Ultimately, there must be something “un-caused” in order to cause everything else to come into existence. That “un-caused” cause is God.


A fourth argument is known as the moral argument. Every culture throughout history has had some form of law. Everyone has a sense of right and wrong. Murder, lying, stealing, and immorality are almost universally rejected. Where did this sense of right and wrong come from if not from a holy God?


Despite all of this, the Bible tells us that people will reject the clear and undeniable knowledge of God and believe a lie instead. Romans 1:25 declares, “They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.” The Bible also proclaims that people are without excuse for not believing in God: “For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—His eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse” (Romans 1:20).


People claim to reject God’s existence because it is “not scientific” or “because there is no proof.” The true reason is that once they admit that there is a God, they also must realize that they are responsible to God and in need of forgiveness from Him (Romans 3:23, 6:23). If God exists, then we are accountable to Him for our actions. If God does not exist, then we can do whatever we want without having to worry about God judging us. That is why many of those who deny the existence of God cling strongly to the theory of naturalistic evolution—it gives them an alternative to believing in a Creator God. God exists and ultimately everyone knows that He exists. The very fact that some attempt so aggressively to disprove His existence is in fact an argument for His existence.


How do we know God exists? As Christians, we know God exists because we speak to Him every day. We do not audibly hear Him speaking to us, but we sense His presence, we feel His leading, we know His love, we desire His grace. Things have occurred in our lives that have no possible explanation other than God. God has so miraculously saved us and changed our lives that we cannot help but acknowledge and praise His existence. None of these arguments can persuade anyone who refuses to acknowledge what is already obvious. In the end, God’s existence must be accepted by faith (Hebrews 11:6). Faith in God is not a blind leap into the dark; it is safe step into a well-lit room where the vast majority of people are already standing.

我与基督教

自小我就生长在一个基督教的家庭。可能因为这样，我对宗教并不敏感。对教会的事工也不活跃。


一直到了中学初中二，一位韩国来的传道来我教会主办的布道会。传道为我按手祷告的时候说上帝责备我的固执。故此妈妈强逼我和哥参与教会的青少年团。

我是个很幼稚的人。我不知道何谓宗教。我不知道为什么我要信住。身边围绕着的非信徒，唯独我是例外的。每当老师在班教学时，有碰触宗教的课题，问及谁是基督教徒的时候我是唯一一个举起手的同学。班上同学都会不约而同的把目光转移到我身上。然后老师会问很多问题。渐渐的，我很排侧，甚至很抗拒的让人知道我是基督教徒。是的，我不认主。

参与的教会的青少年团契后，我很活跃。但我的活跃是糊里糊涂的。我并不清楚参与的含义。我只知道朋友参加，我也参加。像凑热闹一样。我并不理智的知道我是要事奉那真神而参与的。诗班是要为他而唱的。跳舞是要为他而跳的。全部我都是朋友参与，我随其后。现在想起也不尽打冷颤。很想回到以前，用桶冷水把自己给泼醒。

就因为我的幼稚，就因为我不知道去教会的含义，去教会成了我去见朋友的地方。每星期六日，我期待的，我兴奋不是因为事奉主，而是见到朋友。因为某些原因，妈妈禁止我去教会。就连星期天的主日敬拜也没去了。那时我高中一。

到了高中二，我再次的回到教会。我当了主日学教师。依然很幼稚的。我那时候只因为想见到某人而回去的。忘了是怎么离开了那里。可能是要准备年底的政府考试吧。

上了大专，也是那么的白目。大专时期，我和4为朋友一起租了间公寓单位。记得有一天，学校的同年级同学来到家门口分单张，呼吁我们的家人去教会。朋友纷纷把我推出门口要我和她谈，因为我是基督徒。我竟然拒绝她了。我忘了我说什么，但画面依然清楚地记得。至今，那份愧疚感还在。再次，我拒绝了神，我拒绝了上帝，那爱我的主。

浑浑噩噩的，到了大专第一年的最后一个学期。我认识了宾。我告诉他，我是个基督徒。我当时的内心是怕我会被他家人抗拒。感谢主，宾没怎么样。那时候我没接触他家人，我并不知道他们会怎么想。

学士课程读完了，硕士要到吉隆坡拉曼学院总院读。到了那里，读书的压力，思乡的寂寞。我不由自主的拿起了圣经。我寂寞的时候向上帝祷告，我伤心的时候向上帝祷告，我遇困难的时候向上帝祷告。现在我想回以前，原来我像以色列人一样，有问题的时候才会找上帝。上帝解决我的问题的时候我就会忘记他的恩典。

很多时候，我遇到问题，我会慌张，我束手无策。我祷告，祈求上帝的帮助和应许。不是恰好，不是幸运，乃是上帝奇异的恩典。我的祷告被主应许了。哈利路亚！赞美主，主的恩典确实够我用。纵使我只在患难是祈求，上帝依然没有嫌弃我，上帝依然看到我。

有时候我会很自卑。我生长在一个基督教家庭，可是我却比不上后来接受耶稣的信徒。他们的信心与圣经的学问是那么的丰富。而我呢？我算什么？我自问，我有脸见主面吗？生死册里的名字还有我吗？耶稣会说他不认识我吗？因为我已经否决了他两次。

在硕士课程里，有个科目是：世界宗教。那个教授是个很极端的佛教徒。当他第一天走入教学室的时候说道：我是你们的世界宗教科的教授。我希望课程完毕的时候你们会清楚考虑自己的宗教信仰。在教室问及谁是基督徒的时候，我很骄傲的举手。那时候我仿佛全身发光。这一次，我没有否决主。这一次，我觉得很自豪！就那么以后，我觉得教授事事针对我。我祷告祈求上帝的帮助，我没有惧怕，因为我知道主必保守。这一科，是最后一年，是硕士课程最后一年，最后一学期。如果我不及格，就必须从考，不能出社会工作。再次的感谢主，我及格了。

2005年，我踏出了社会。我的第一份工作，算不错了吧！每星期日我会去教会，做主日崇拜。我没参与事奉，只是个平信徒。我会奉献，金钱上的奉献。一直到现在，按月奉献，特别感恩奉献。我以为我做了很多，我以为可以用金钱去替代做事工，但原来我是那么的愚昧。牧师说，这只是爱主的一个回筹，并不可以取代事工。

2006年，我换了新工作。在这里我认识了以为朋友。我们无话不说，她也是个基督徒。她的灵明比我强，比我成熟。在那时候开始，我更自叹不如。我问我自己，虽然我出生在基督教的家庭，但我算是什么？我有为主做过什么吗？我堂姐，堂妹，叔叔，全部基督徒，他们做过什么吗？教会都没去了。上帝的名能因他们而得荣耀吗？当我写这句子的时候，心里很痛。但我知道，创造万物的上帝的心比我更痛！

认识了她，我开始对信仰有所改观。我开始很注重我的信仰。我很介意别人怎么看基督教。我甚至为了信仰和一位朋友起争执。我很介意他说是上帝拿走了他阿姨的命。我很介意他因为一个基督徒朋友对他不好而说所有的基督徒都不好。难道抢劫的都没有非基督徒的吗？朋友说过，在外邦人的眼里，基督徒是很神圣的，外邦人不能容许基督徒有任何的瑕疵，要不然就会成为人家的话柄。

以前人家问我，你是基督徒，宾不是，那怎么办呢？ 我会回答说，不要紧啦，没怎么样。自从我开始重视信仰后，我会介意他家人对基督教的看法。当他们数落圣经上的教诲，记载；耶稣基督的伟大，等等的时候，我会很生气。我甚至在心里面说，你们这些愚昧的人啊，当耶稣基督第二次来到的时候，你们必然知道真理与事实。我开始强逼性的有意无意叫宾信主。

当然，要信主并不是那么容易，对一个拜了数十年偶像的人来说。我开始责备自己。责备自己为什么不清楚的读经。但圣经亦有记载着我不可离开。那时候，我真的很想很想离开，找个基督徒的另外一半。但牧师说，我这么做不但不能使上帝的名得着荣耀，还会给人误以为上帝是如此的霸道。其实这是我那时候的软弱。我那时侯觉得我很不配作为上帝的女儿。我要离开。可是我并不知道，如果我离开，是两宗罪，多余之前的一宗。我的存在，或许会令他们全家得福音与救恩。

之前我强迫性的向宾说耶稣，是因为我赌气。到现在我知道，我要的并不是让他们信主那么一个简单的程序，乃是要他们得救。在这末世的时代，依然有很多很多未知者，依然还有很多很多人等着福音与救恩。我祈求主给我有聪明的智慧，在恰当的时候诉说他的作为，给我有信心去向身边的朋友传福音。要令他们看到的是一个属主儿女的见证。

刚过的星期天，牧师说，现今的人，心里是空虚的。就算赚取了世上更多的财富也是空虚的。对，我确实这么认为。只要有主，心里才会是丰富的，心里才会平安。我的使命，我要为主作见证！我求主与我同在，给我口所说的都蒙主的喜悦，给听的能够被主爱感动。

Sour Grape

In this world, there are people that will say the grape is sour, if they can't taste it. There is one song when I was in primary school time, saying that a wolf can't get the grape from the grape plant because the grape plant is too high for it, and the wolf claims that the grape is sour. I have forgotten about the lyric and rythm, but the photo is still clear in my memory.

I have come accross a friend of mine, saying that proton and produa car is a toy. He rather ride bike and refuse to get a local made car for himself. He said that, one day when he wants to get a car for himself, he will for sure to get a non local one, as of Honda or Toyota.

Many times when we have function at night, he will ask for our tolerance of not to go out late because he has to ride bike to join our function. And yes, as a friend that mixed around for so many years, we do not mind to tolerate this. But at times he will complains that: Hey, I'm riding motor, not like you people, driving car. I'll reply him in my heart that, you yourself deserve it. You can get a local car for temporary, then only change to a non local one when you are affordable one day... and now, stop complaining. Look, I really don't understand him.

When I received my friend's wedding news, I was so excited, my heart is full of joy and is looking forward for the wedding day. Is marriage means the grave of love? Why should a person says to the groom that, your day of punishment has arrive? or, why should a person says that, although you are very strong outside, but you are just like a kitten at home when you are with your wife? If it is so, that you as a man will also face what you have said today? Is it because you feel sour that you does not have a partner yet? I knew that you will say no, I rather be alone than getting in a relationship.

Everyone has to go through death, non of us could escape from death. Just because of your aunt's death, you used to publish to the public that the God has taken away her life? And claimed that this is the creature of the God, this is what God's work. Yes, your aunt loves you very much, and she is a good person. Good person need not to die? So how about Jesus, the son of God? Is it fair that Jesus die for the sinner is his late 30's? Fair? Why were you so subjective and so ignorant to publish the coffin of your aunt to FB?

Motivation

I was reminded by a phone call of something last Sunday. My cousin sis (my uncle's daughter) told me that my cousin brother (my aunt's son) said that all the grandchildren of my grandmother is useless. None of them are successful in their life. Hey, who you think you are? Just an accountant in DELL. If you think you are so good and successful, please think back of those days. Who pay for the education fee for you? Who pay you the money while you were in Australia? Ask your mother don't come and ask for the money from my father if you guys are so capable. Your father should have this responsibily to give you the education fee, not my father. Don't be so arrogant for your succeed.

I'm not gonna avoid of you but to stand in front of you and tell you: Hey, how much salary are you taking now? Hey, you only has a house in leader garden? and a second hand one? And so? driving a proton iswara which down payment was from your mother? That's all? Nothing more right? So please be low profile and keep your big mouth shut! Don't tell the fXXking thing that non Levi's jean is not human wearable apparel. Not that we cannot buy Levi's jean, it's whether we want to buy or not.

In my life, I just wish to pass it peacefully. Without climbing up, without looking on the high position. You are the one who give me this motivation! You can? and so do I!

FXXX

who u think u are????? same level with me nia... older than me for 3 years old also same level only! dont act like u are in a high level!!!!! FXXX U!

CNY

I have not been tasted mom's cooking since my niece borned. Mom has no time to cook after a tiring baby sitting of my niece. She's too active... Mom has to keep an eye on her every moment. On the Chinese New Year Eve, mom returned. I help to prepare for the ingrediants, like peel prawn shell, cutting the vege and etc. Let the photo says.


Drunken Prawn. I help to cut the head and the legs. Just apply some salt on the prawn, pour some chinese wine and then steam for 10 minutes. Taste good. 600 grams of prawn cost RM30. Mom bought 1200 grams.




















Kailan with chicken liver? Dunno how to call it in English. Taste good too, but I did not eat the chicken liver. The prawn shell is taken away by me =) My hand smell funny after peeling the shell.


















This plate of mix vege cost expensive. Ingrediants are: Sea cucumber, dried oyster, prawn, mushroom, button mushroom, dried scallope, "abalone" the cheap one..., carrot, which my niece called it as "ah pit".



















Cooking in progress.. inside the pan.



















Eat.... There were steam fish and "tu tor" soup.


















Here comes our 接班人

I'm still happy

I used to hypnotize myself that I have to love my enemy. This is the teaching from the Bible, from Jesus. Lot of times, I just force myself to be good to my enemy, and the one that I hate. Maybe this is the trial of the satan, who wants me to fall. I dunno... just a guess.

But, regardless of how they hate me or dislike me, I do not have the feeling. Because to me, they are no my friend. Just a crossing by person. I will only be sad if i'm being hate by my beloved friends...and I clearly know that they won't do this to me =) So, I'm still a happy person.

三星期

看了看日历，离你最后工作天只剩三星期。
三星期，多么短的时间啊！
你啊，就是这样。决定了的事情绝对会坚持着。

我得适应每个早上路过我岗位的人不再是你。
我得适应不再听到突然的狂笑。
我得适应不再听到突然有人唱歌。
我得适应早餐买少一份。
我得适应。。。

嫉妒是人的软弱。
贪婪是人的软弱。
计较亦是人的软弱。
我每天在求主给我一颗爱人的心，保守着我的心思意念。
纵使以前发生了什么，我毅然把你当做是我很好很好的朋友。

我没敢向你要求些什么，因为我不配。
可你要记得照顾好自己，不要时常熬夜，不要没吃饭。

三星期后的今天，我怕我又在你面前失态。
我感谢上帝那么的爱我，赐给我一位那么好的朋友。

Evil

Sometimes I feel that there is an evil staying in my heart.
I try not to think in a bad way, but it seems like there is an echo in my heart screaming for evil thoughts. And then, I will tell myself that, NO! I cannot think this way. This is not a good thoughts that I should have think. I should view things in a good side, I should think the other way. But why evil always win? I tried to let the angel to defeat the evil. I'm trying, I'm learning.

幸福？

曾经以为我很幸福。
原来我错了。
而且是错得很白痴！
回头一看，原来白费了八年！

我再也不相信世上有好人，尤其是男的。
我再也不相信世上有完美的人。
试问我还能把自己交托给谁？
倒不如靠自己。
我要在最短的时间赚最多的钱！
你以为只有你可以吗？

我对自己说：从今天开始，我绝对不会让自己受委屈！

最讨厌

话说“最讨厌”。
什么样的人是我最讨厌的呢？
迟到的人。

自从我开始了网站生意后，面交客人是日常生活的一部分。
差不多一星期要与客人面交至少一次。
而我每一次都把时间安排得妥当。
先是遇A，再来遇B，然后去C。
如果其中一个迟到，我接下来的schedule将全部延迟。
延迟事小，反而给以后的客人留下不好的印象事大。

有的人，你一事先跟她说6。30见。
如果不能，可以叫我延迟时间。
她们偏偏说可以，然后6。15我简讯她们说我在路上了，15分钟到。
已经一而再，再而三的提醒，免得她们再迟到了。
6。30准我到了，简讯她们了。
而她们的almost reach，可以7。00才到。
脸皮可以厚成这个程度。
而且不是一次，是每一次都迟到，每一次的迟到都半小时！

我是一个很吝啬的人。
尤其是车子停下等人的时候会把引擎关上。
如果不这么做，车子停下半小时会耗费我很多的汽油。
很不幸的，车窗坏了。
所以我都在车子里Kuk Saunna。
Kuk 到我快没气了才开引擎5分钟，然后又关上。
可能因为这样，才会那么瘦。
对，我是个苦命的人。
不会享受，竟然这样委屈自己。
有谁能这样？
kuk 到整件衣服都湿了，头发也湿了。
可能车窗外的三轮车阿伯以为我是傻子。

回来标题。
迟到的人。。。难道她们不知道要人等是件很不要脸的事吗？
而且还不是朋友哦。。。
迟到了竟然还可以跟你说：almost reach / on the way / one corner
可能这是马来西亚的习惯。
我最最最不能忍受的就是等人的滋味。
5分钟还好。
10分钟开始不耐烦。
15分钟我的火就来了。
20分钟我开始要骂人。
25分钟我会臭脸给人看。

我的朋友兼同事都知道，我一旦睡不醒来不及准时上班的话我都不洗澡。
因为我真的真的没办法迟到！

不平衡

我觉得我的心情很不平衡。
我有读别人的部落格的习惯。
而且还是我不认识的人。
虽然我不认识，可是我不知道我为什么还常看她们有没有update她们的blog.

为什么她们样貌麻麻地，可是却常有水鱼送礼物？
而且还不是便宜的。
是名牌，而且是大牌。
为什么为什么。
这个问题在我读她们的blog的时候浮在我的脑里。

她们的blog里都会有跟另一半的合照。
我曾问过自己，如果那个人的男朋友给我的话我会怎样。
结果是，真的不能去的那一种人。
所以我常告诉自己。这世界都是有舍有得。
手指都有长有短。
那里说要求全部都长的？

可是纵使我怎样安慰自己，我的心理还是一样的不平衡啦！！！为什么？？！！

Selfishness

I have read the article from a blog sent by my friend this morning. A feeling of heartache, sad and sour in my heart. I have ever thought of dead before my parents. Because I do not want the feeling of losing my love ones. I rather letting them to have the feeling. I always think that, how good if I encounter accident and then my life ends.

After reading the article, I can feel that sadness of the parents. Can you imagine their feeling while they were sitting at the shore, waiting for their sons "dead body"? Can you imagine their feeling when they see their son in a black plastic bag? No response are given when the parents scream at their name. How hopeless were they? How sad were they?

I can never never imagine...and I was being so selfish to have the intention to hurt my parents... in other way.

New Year

An old fashion word, "time flies". I still can remember very clearly that what I have wrote in my blog for last year's Chinese New Year. Just a clip of eyes, one year has passed.

Kids love CNY, for playing fire crackers, for receiving red packets, for the food, for the busy environment of relatives and friends visiting, for school holiday. As an adult of 27 years old, I have used to the festival... just like... oh.. it's CNY again.. Nothing special. Just to make life different, we just make ourselves busy, just to "entertain" the festival. Dad is coming back next Saturday. As usual, mom will cook for that night. We do not eat stemboat for reunion dinner...as most of the people will have steamboat. A dinner which is much more easy for food preperation compare to cooked dishes. Dad does not like steamboat... He says that it's tastless and he does not like the balls.. fish ball, meat ball, hok chew ball....

Mmmm... New Year, a brand new year and I hope that everything will be good for my family this year. No quarrels, no tears, no sickness. Hope all everybody be prospereous, in work, in life, everything! Last but not least, hope dad will retire this year!

后

自从天跟妈妈顶撞后，一星期里我没致电回家，妈妈也没致电给我。
星期三订了一个包包送给妈妈。
照理她应该收到了。
可是竟然没有打电话给我。

是这样。
我血液里有着妈妈固执的基因。
谁都不肯认输低头。
也一样的，没有人肯先踏出第一步去跟谁说话。
今天星期五了。
怎么办?

妈妈

妈妈，一个伟大的名词。

写这片文章的时候，我感触万分。
心是伤的；鼻是酸的；眼是湿的。

星期六，跟妈妈吵架了。
原因？懒得说。
我只知道我说了很伤她的话。
因为我不知道要如何表达我心里的想法。
我以为我这么一说会使事情扭转。
原来我是那么的天真愚昧。

宾说，我只会跟两个人大小声。
一个是妈妈，一个是他。
我心里回答他：我只跟和我很熟很熟很熟的人大小声。
我只跟很疼我的人大小声。
一个人对一个人客气，通常都是不熟悉的人。

我怎么解释我心里的想法？
我以为我这么一说，妈妈可以看开，原谅过去的人。
以后会过得比较轻松。
以后我不在了，她有个老伴相伴着。
我每星期要回家我也很压力。
有谁能知道？
我强逼着自己要做孝女。
我逞强的伪装自己很成功，免得她担心。
我要的只不过是是她能很写意的和爸度过晚年。
我有错吗？

每一次星期五的电话我都觉得很重。
每一次我致电给她说我每回家的感觉很讨厌。
我试着跟自己说，不要想了，总不能这样延续下去。
我以后也有自己的生活。
可是每一次想到家里冷清，我都忍不下心的回家了。
很累。

我以为爸爸以后回来了，会和她相伴，那我也就比较轻松。
可以过自己的生活。
我有太多后顾之忧了，谁知道？

我工作的压力又谁能知道？
我按奈自己的购物欲是为了什么？谁知道？

你们常说我很大女人，要认顺服我。
其实我想做小女人，什么事情都不用管。
自己赚，自己花。
可是见你们那么的“不自爱”，我又能撇下不管吗？
可以，伪装的话。
可以，如果我不在意。
可以，如果你们不是我的亲人。

宾说，我很好命。
有对事事为我安排的父母。
而我却对我妈无礼。
就因为我知道我父母那么的疼爱我。
我就是想帮法撮合；只不过不善于表达。
我有错吗？

我不是在偏帮那一家。
我只是站在父母的角度去看。
不要令他们难做。
不要令他们在“别人”面前失威。
我要另他们在“别人”面前因我而感到骄傲。
我有错吗？

一个真正了解我的人应该知道我在想什么。

烦

心情很差! 很讨厌做人！

叮当 - 我爱他

他的輕狂留在 某一節車廂
地下鐵裡的風 比回憶還重
整座城市一直等著我
有一段感情還在漂泊

對他唯一遺憾 是分手那天
我奔騰的眼淚 都停不下來
若那一刻重來 我不哭
讓他知道我可以很好

我愛他 轟轟烈烈最瘋狂
我的夢 狠狠碎過卻不會忘
曾為他 相信明天就是未來
情節有多壞 都不肯醒來

我愛他 跌跌撞撞到絕望
我的心 深深傷過卻不會忘
我和他 不再屬于這個地方
最初的天堂 最終的荒唐

如果還有遺憾 又怎麼樣呢
傷了痛了懂了 就能好了嗎
曾經依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我愛他 轟轟烈烈最瘋狂
我的夢 狠狠碎過卻不會忘
逃不開 愛越深越互相傷害
越深的依賴 越多的空白
該怎麼去愛

如果還有遺憾 是分手那天
我奔騰的眼淚 都停不下來
若那一刻重來 我不哭
讓他知道我可以很好

Outlook

I came across that a handsome guy might not has a beautiful partner or vice versa. MMmmm, outlook kind of things is quite subjecive. Perhaps to you, his girl friend is not beautiful. But to him, his girl friend may be the prettiest girl in the world. Or perhaps, some people will not care much about outlook? For instance, we buy things depend on it's function more than it's outlook. Or we buy things depend on our budget.

Rich man though is ugly, he can 'buy' a beautiful lady. Is similar that, he can buy a mercedes benz. Poor guy buy proton car. Am I right? Hehehe...

Mmm... But certain rich people's wife is also not beautiful. Just wear a normal big T-shirt, a short pant and slipper. Which you do not expect that she will go into a mercedes or a BMW car after they had their meal. Yea, maybe the husband emphasizes on the 'functionality', but not outlook nor budget =) Maybe the wife is good in heart, but not appearance, right ?

Amazing Grace

Here, I would like to write a short testimony.

I've been praying for God's answer. An answer of, what should I do for Him? I'm not active in church. But I do attend the Sunday church service which is the basic thing that a Christian must do. After reading the article from gotquestion.com, I'm so worry that I am not able to be rapture. Because I did not do anything for Him. I'm so worry that I'll be left behind. Thus, I wrote a simple question to the person in charge of gotquestion.com. He replied me that, doing God's work does not mean that we have to be serve as an usher, sing, evangelize, but to pray about how He may use me. Then, I prayed, a short one. Closed my eyes, and prayed in my heart, at the office, at my cubicle.

I'm waiting for God's answer. I do not expect it to be answered so fast. A friend of mine, suddenly came and asked, how are you recently? Any new mission or thoughts for this year? I shared with her about the serving. I'm not sure that whether is she the one that sent by God, but at least, she helped to answer my queries. It's not necessary to serve in the church. I can testify God in my daily life. Yes! I can testify His name. God will not leave me behind without serving. As long as I belive and accept His salvation. His will pour His grace on me. It's as simple as that - BELIEVE in Him.

God, please provide me wisdom in testifying your name. So that your name will be glorify!

Learning

Human keeps learning. Chinese proverb: live till old, learn till old.

I'm learning to be kind.
I'm learning to be patient.
I'm learning to be joyful.
I'm learning to be thankful.
I'm learning to be good! =)

Bad Mood

Well, I'm that kind of person which very easily influece by others. Not mentally influence, is emotionally. I'll loose my temper very fast when I come across things that do not suit my favor. Because my EQ is low...my IQ is also very low. As a result, I have no confident to pursue to Form 6 and enter local university. My mother also did not have the confident for me to pursue to Form 6. Once I fail to get good result, I'll waste 2 years time. So, I continue my studies in TAR college. Is this the correct decision?! Sien!!!!! WHY NOBODY UNDERSTAND ME?

Controling of Life

Somtimes when I have nothing to do, I'll sit down and think. Think of money, think of my family, think of my room decor and think of how people see me.

Human in this world, have their own thinking, own point of view. I can't control theirs and they can't control mine. I may think that A is wrong but others might feel that A is correct and vice versa.

For example, I keep thinking, why should a husband and wife deliver baby? What is the reason for them to bring a life to this world? Some may say:
1. It's a normal life cycle
2. To take care of us when we become old one day
3. People have, so do we
4. Baby is cute

For me, I'll say:
1. It's a normal life cycle - are you abnormal now?
2. To take care of us when we become old one day - can you gaurantee that they will be filial to you when you are old? what if they want to have a better career and migrate to other country?
3. People have, so do we - don't you have your own point of view? what if people rob?
4. Baby is cute - meaning that you are so selfish to deliver a baby just for your entertainment.

Some people have lots of children. Some people felt that one is enough. For those who has lots of children might think that, in case one child faced any accident and pass away, at least there are more to "spare". Just like the subsitution or spare tyre in a rude way of thinking.

My mom used to tell my brother that having a child is more than enough. Have to cultivate the child, give her the best education he could, urging him to keep some money every month for her future education. Some might think that my mom is controling the child. Taking away her freedom and do not let the child to do whatever she wants. Lets assume that my brother has 2 or 3 children with the income which can only feed one child. He will spent his money just for food, daily needs for his children, no more extra to save. When both of his chidlren grow up, he does not have money for the education. Without high education, what will the children be? Clerk? Assistant? Promoter? Machinist? Driver? Will the children blame their parents for not providing them enough education in order to get a better job? Will the parents feel sad if they are being blame, for the reason that they don't have enough money for their education as the income is just sufficient for their daily livings? Giving them the best thing and education is controling a robot? Is this the way?

I just felt that, having one child and give them all we could is the way that we love them very much. Having more than one child with low capability, just to act as a subsitution is a very selfish thinking.

Yes, you still can find some people with low education in exempt level. But this is just some lucky group. I just encounter some minority one.. so far... they are lucky enough.

Anyhow, I'm very greatful and thankful to my dearest parents for providing me enough education. They will never say NO if I need any extra money for extra courses or extra textbook during my school time. I'm thankful to them for sending me to computer classes, tuition classes, drawing classes... which my family income is just depeding on my father's work. They work so hard, because they hope that their children can have better life, as they could not receive the education that they desire and end up to have a low income job. Since small, dad always tell me that I have to study hard, to have a better life. Till now, which I have came out to the society to work, he never wants any cents from me... and urging me to save more money for my future family. Are they controling my life?