后

自从天跟妈妈顶撞后，一星期里我没致电回家，妈妈也没致电给我。
星期三订了一个包包送给妈妈。
照理她应该收到了。
可是竟然没有打电话给我。

是这样。
我血液里有着妈妈固执的基因。
谁都不肯认输低头。
也一样的，没有人肯先踏出第一步去跟谁说话。
今天星期五了。
怎么办?

妈妈

妈妈，一个伟大的名词。

写这片文章的时候，我感触万分。
心是伤的；鼻是酸的；眼是湿的。

星期六，跟妈妈吵架了。
原因？懒得说。
我只知道我说了很伤她的话。
因为我不知道要如何表达我心里的想法。
我以为我这么一说会使事情扭转。
原来我是那么的天真愚昧。

宾说，我只会跟两个人大小声。
一个是妈妈，一个是他。
我心里回答他：我只跟和我很熟很熟很熟的人大小声。
我只跟很疼我的人大小声。
一个人对一个人客气，通常都是不熟悉的人。

我怎么解释我心里的想法？
我以为我这么一说，妈妈可以看开，原谅过去的人。
以后会过得比较轻松。
以后我不在了，她有个老伴相伴着。
我每星期要回家我也很压力。
有谁能知道？
我强逼着自己要做孝女。
我逞强的伪装自己很成功，免得她担心。
我要的只不过是是她能很写意的和爸度过晚年。
我有错吗？

每一次星期五的电话我都觉得很重。
每一次我致电给她说我每回家的感觉很讨厌。
我试着跟自己说，不要想了，总不能这样延续下去。
我以后也有自己的生活。
可是每一次想到家里冷清，我都忍不下心的回家了。
很累。

我以为爸爸以后回来了，会和她相伴，那我也就比较轻松。
可以过自己的生活。
我有太多后顾之忧了，谁知道？

我工作的压力又谁能知道？
我按奈自己的购物欲是为了什么？谁知道？

你们常说我很大女人，要认顺服我。
其实我想做小女人，什么事情都不用管。
自己赚，自己花。
可是见你们那么的“不自爱”，我又能撇下不管吗？
可以，伪装的话。
可以，如果我不在意。
可以，如果你们不是我的亲人。

宾说，我很好命。
有对事事为我安排的父母。
而我却对我妈无礼。
就因为我知道我父母那么的疼爱我。
我就是想帮法撮合；只不过不善于表达。
我有错吗？

我不是在偏帮那一家。
我只是站在父母的角度去看。
不要令他们难做。
不要令他们在“别人”面前失威。
我要另他们在“别人”面前因我而感到骄傲。
我有错吗？

一个真正了解我的人应该知道我在想什么。

烦

心情很差! 很讨厌做人！

叮当 - 我爱他

他的輕狂留在 某一節車廂
地下鐵裡的風 比回憶還重
整座城市一直等著我
有一段感情還在漂泊

對他唯一遺憾 是分手那天
我奔騰的眼淚 都停不下來
若那一刻重來 我不哭
讓他知道我可以很好

我愛他 轟轟烈烈最瘋狂
我的夢 狠狠碎過卻不會忘
曾為他 相信明天就是未來
情節有多壞 都不肯醒來

我愛他 跌跌撞撞到絕望
我的心 深深傷過卻不會忘
我和他 不再屬于這個地方
最初的天堂 最終的荒唐

如果還有遺憾 又怎麼樣呢
傷了痛了懂了 就能好了嗎
曾經依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我愛他 轟轟烈烈最瘋狂
我的夢 狠狠碎過卻不會忘
逃不開 愛越深越互相傷害
越深的依賴 越多的空白
該怎麼去愛

如果還有遺憾 是分手那天
我奔騰的眼淚 都停不下來
若那一刻重來 我不哭
讓他知道我可以很好

Outlook

I came across that a handsome guy might not has a beautiful partner or vice versa. MMmmm, outlook kind of things is quite subjecive. Perhaps to you, his girl friend is not beautiful. But to him, his girl friend may be the prettiest girl in the world. Or perhaps, some people will not care much about outlook? For instance, we buy things depend on it's function more than it's outlook. Or we buy things depend on our budget.

Rich man though is ugly, he can 'buy' a beautiful lady. Is similar that, he can buy a mercedes benz. Poor guy buy proton car. Am I right? Hehehe...

Mmm... But certain rich people's wife is also not beautiful. Just wear a normal big T-shirt, a short pant and slipper. Which you do not expect that she will go into a mercedes or a BMW car after they had their meal. Yea, maybe the husband emphasizes on the 'functionality', but not outlook nor budget =) Maybe the wife is good in heart, but not appearance, right ?

Amazing Grace

Here, I would like to write a short testimony.

I've been praying for God's answer. An answer of, what should I do for Him? I'm not active in church. But I do attend the Sunday church service which is the basic thing that a Christian must do. After reading the article from gotquestion.com, I'm so worry that I am not able to be rapture. Because I did not do anything for Him. I'm so worry that I'll be left behind. Thus, I wrote a simple question to the person in charge of gotquestion.com. He replied me that, doing God's work does not mean that we have to be serve as an usher, sing, evangelize, but to pray about how He may use me. Then, I prayed, a short one. Closed my eyes, and prayed in my heart, at the office, at my cubicle.

I'm waiting for God's answer. I do not expect it to be answered so fast. A friend of mine, suddenly came and asked, how are you recently? Any new mission or thoughts for this year? I shared with her about the serving. I'm not sure that whether is she the one that sent by God, but at least, she helped to answer my queries. It's not necessary to serve in the church. I can testify God in my daily life. Yes! I can testify His name. God will not leave me behind without serving. As long as I belive and accept His salvation. His will pour His grace on me. It's as simple as that - BELIEVE in Him.

God, please provide me wisdom in testifying your name. So that your name will be glorify!

Learning

Human keeps learning. Chinese proverb: live till old, learn till old.

I'm learning to be kind.
I'm learning to be patient.
I'm learning to be joyful.
I'm learning to be thankful.
I'm learning to be good! =)

Bad Mood

Well, I'm that kind of person which very easily influece by others. Not mentally influence, is emotionally. I'll loose my temper very fast when I come across things that do not suit my favor. Because my EQ is low...my IQ is also very low. As a result, I have no confident to pursue to Form 6 and enter local university. My mother also did not have the confident for me to pursue to Form 6. Once I fail to get good result, I'll waste 2 years time. So, I continue my studies in TAR college. Is this the correct decision?! Sien!!!!! WHY NOBODY UNDERSTAND ME?

Controling of Life

Somtimes when I have nothing to do, I'll sit down and think. Think of money, think of my family, think of my room decor and think of how people see me.

Human in this world, have their own thinking, own point of view. I can't control theirs and they can't control mine. I may think that A is wrong but others might feel that A is correct and vice versa.

For example, I keep thinking, why should a husband and wife deliver baby? What is the reason for them to bring a life to this world? Some may say:
1. It's a normal life cycle
2. To take care of us when we become old one day
3. People have, so do we
4. Baby is cute

For me, I'll say:
1. It's a normal life cycle - are you abnormal now?
2. To take care of us when we become old one day - can you gaurantee that they will be filial to you when you are old? what if they want to have a better career and migrate to other country?
3. People have, so do we - don't you have your own point of view? what if people rob?
4. Baby is cute - meaning that you are so selfish to deliver a baby just for your entertainment.

Some people have lots of children. Some people felt that one is enough. For those who has lots of children might think that, in case one child faced any accident and pass away, at least there are more to "spare". Just like the subsitution or spare tyre in a rude way of thinking.

My mom used to tell my brother that having a child is more than enough. Have to cultivate the child, give her the best education he could, urging him to keep some money every month for her future education. Some might think that my mom is controling the child. Taking away her freedom and do not let the child to do whatever she wants. Lets assume that my brother has 2 or 3 children with the income which can only feed one child. He will spent his money just for food, daily needs for his children, no more extra to save. When both of his chidlren grow up, he does not have money for the education. Without high education, what will the children be? Clerk? Assistant? Promoter? Machinist? Driver? Will the children blame their parents for not providing them enough education in order to get a better job? Will the parents feel sad if they are being blame, for the reason that they don't have enough money for their education as the income is just sufficient for their daily livings? Giving them the best thing and education is controling a robot? Is this the way?

I just felt that, having one child and give them all we could is the way that we love them very much. Having more than one child with low capability, just to act as a subsitution is a very selfish thinking.

Yes, you still can find some people with low education in exempt level. But this is just some lucky group. I just encounter some minority one.. so far... they are lucky enough.

Anyhow, I'm very greatful and thankful to my dearest parents for providing me enough education. They will never say NO if I need any extra money for extra courses or extra textbook during my school time. I'm thankful to them for sending me to computer classes, tuition classes, drawing classes... which my family income is just depeding on my father's work. They work so hard, because they hope that their children can have better life, as they could not receive the education that they desire and end up to have a low income job. Since small, dad always tell me that I have to study hard, to have a better life. Till now, which I have came out to the society to work, he never wants any cents from me... and urging me to save more money for my future family. Are they controling my life?

Christie vs Christine

My name ever being called as Christine instead of Christie. Even though I used to introduce myself as Chris - tie but I do not understand why when they see my spelling, they will call me Chris - tine. Some people would prefer calling me Chris. Is the pronunciation so difficult? What if the spelling is Christy or Kristy? Or Kristie instead? Hmmm... Maybe this is a new name for those old folks who never come across this name during their time. Recently, lots of people around my age used to call me Chris - tine... I'm really very PANTANG!!! Should I change the spelling? Or should I change my name?

End Time?

Earthquake... again. I refused to open the news link in yahoo and msn even I have saw this headline news in the website. Yes, I'm escaping from the truth. Because I knew that, in end time, there is be lots of earthquake, as told in the Bible. I refuse to watch TV news, newspaper. The denial to contact with the outside world is just to let me live comfortably. Else, what should I do?

I have tons of questions. Thus, I went to the website and I found this:

What is going to happen according to end times prophecy?
http://www.gotquestions.org/end-times.html

What signs indicate that the end times are approaching?
“For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am the Christ,' and will deceive many. You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places.” An increase in false messiahs, an increase in warfare, and increases in famines, plagues, and natural disasters—these are signs of the end times.


If I'm an army sent by the Gold to this earth, I have failed my mission. What have I done for Him? When I open my result book, it's blank. Yes, a blank white page without any result. Why am I so aggresively seeking the good result in school and in career but not in His work? I have to change... in order to have flying colours.

It's Time

3 churches is being bombed today. It's just because of the word Allah being used in the newspaper. Those people claims that non-Muslim must not use the word. Look into it... it's time. Christian will be presecute... very soon.

I repeatedly asking myself. Am I able to sacrifice myself...? If there is anything that need my sacrification? It's time... for me to say YES. Yes to my lovely Father God in heaven.

Friend

How to define "Friend"?
To small kids, friend is just a group of kids to play around with.
To secondary school and college teenagers, friend is a group of people to hang around with, a group of people to chat and loitering away the pass time.

What is a friend for a working adult? Actually I do not know.

To me, friend's defination is as below:
- a person that I can tell everything
- a person that can analyse for me when I'm at the junction
- a person that I can share my sadness
- a person that willing to share his/her sadness
- a person that really understand me
- a person that can think of me for every event
- a person that treat me transparently
- a person that do not tell lie on me
- a person that forgive me when I did anything wrong
- a person that worth my forgiveness when he/she did anything wrong

I have had a lot of friend during my teenage time. But, who is the real one?

I used to tell a friend of mine: Friend is not on quantity, but is quality.

I thank God for giving me some true friends, you guys/girls are always in my heart. You know who you are =)

Why is it?

Why is it?
A good person may be very poor, having a very bad life.
A bad people may be the CEO of one company, having a very luxury life.

Why is it?
A good person may be bully by the rich one.
A bad people may be a lot of 'good friends' surrounding them.

Is this because of human's nature that a poor or a middle level people may turn into bad when they become rich one day?

So, in conclusion, human nature is BAD!

我的福气

新的一年，我打算改变自己悲观的心态。
凡是往好方面去看，世界必定不一样。

正当我试着去改变，却闻见你即将离开的消息。
是的，心里万般的不舍。
可又能怎么样？
离去是件好事。
如果我可以那么洒脱，我也会离开。

没有人知道自己的将来会是怎样。
但我相信上帝必然会供应。
他拣选了你，是何等的福气。
愿上帝赐福于你。

虽说你依然在不远的地方。
见面的时间次数毕竟会明显的减少。
答应我你要过的很好。

回顾2006你我相识的时刻。
从点头之交到可以谈心。
我相信这份友谊一直被上帝祝福着，而且会到永远。
上帝给我的福气去认识你。