有人说，我像铁人。
我催眠着自己，我必须是个铁人。
妈说，为什么我不做姐姐。
宾说，幸好我不是姐姐。
上星期，我肩膀的重担更重。
祈祷着主可以帮我拿走。
我大可以大摇大摆，像其他人活得很潇洒。
从何开始我变的没那么洒脱？
旁观者看我很幸福。
我则有苦肚里吞。
我以为宾会了解我，但原来他不是。
我把自己的生活弄得一塌糊涂是为了什么？
我以为他会知道。
如今他知道，可是却不赞同。
我不怪他，因为他不是我。
他不知道我的想法与苦楚。
我知道我不是长子，亦不是儿子。
我重复着问：老幺或女儿就不需要为家里的事而烦吗？
那如果一对夫妻只有女儿呢？
很多人会说，你已经比其他人好很多了。
是的，我也这么认为。
所以我做了那么多，我也没有埋怨过。
因为我知道，我做的一切一切，并不是为了使生活更富裕，而是要爸回来。
因为爸不知道，其实我们比其他人的确好很多。
星期三，愕然发现一份文件。
封面为：平安纸。
前面为爸妈所支分的家产。
没想过，他们这样重视女儿。
让我的心万分苦楚。
平安纸的最后一页，是爸妈对我们说的最后慰唁。
强忍着泪水的读着。
眼泪在眼眶里摇晃。
读第一句，没勇气再继续读下。
很怕父母看到鼻子红红的我。
有人问我，为什么你一个月给父母那么多家用？
我心里会回答：难道当你还需要父母给零用钱的时候，那数额也不占据了他们薪水的百分之几吗？
为什么父母可以把自己百分之几的薪水给你花，而你出社工作了，却那么计较着你薪水的百分之几呢？
我们这一世都还不清自己对父母的债务与恩情。
有的人，把老迈的父母撇下。
怎么不试着想，当他们出世的时候，父母也可以把他们撇下不理，可是他们并没有。
婴孩时，是谁为自己清理粪便？
父母老了，控制不住自己的排泄系统，儿女会嫌弃父母的肮脏。
人的良心何在？ 人的良知何在？
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
我的天空
如果你问我最喜欢大自然的什么？我会回答你：我最喜欢天空。
上帝的创造很奇妙。
上帝的创造很美好。
我喜欢有云的天，这样它才不寂寞。
无论是在任何一个角度去看，天空依然那么美。
很想向着白云扑向前。
很想拥抱着它。
很享受着观云的那一刻，像似得不到的遗憾。
上帝给了人类那么多好的东西，为什么人类不懂得去珍惜，而要破坏呢？
多久的以后，云还会白吗？ 天还会蓝吗？
上帝的创造很奇妙。
上帝的创造很美好。
我喜欢有云的天，这样它才不寂寞。
无论是在任何一个角度去看，天空依然那么美。
很想向着白云扑向前。
很想拥抱着它。
很享受着观云的那一刻，像似得不到的遗憾。
上帝给了人类那么多好的东西，为什么人类不懂得去珍惜，而要破坏呢？
多久的以后，云还会白吗？ 天还会蓝吗？
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Beautiful Day
I love today! I love 17 September!
今日心情靓！
A normal friend will think that a friendship has go to the end after they quarrel.
A true friend will think that a true friendship must have argument.
今日心情靓！
A normal friend will think that a friendship has go to the end after they quarrel.
A true friend will think that a true friendship must have argument.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Asset and Liability
If E is asset.
If A is liability.
What is the purpose of the existance of A?
If you like E so much, and A to you is nothing, why don't you shift to E's place?
So you can see your E everyday, every hour, every minute, every second.
If A is liability.
What is the purpose of the existance of A?
If you like E so much, and A to you is nothing, why don't you shift to E's place?
So you can see your E everyday, every hour, every minute, every second.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Time for family
I'm going to Macau this Saturday. Don't even have the excited feeling, but it's full of guiltiness. Mmmm... why? Because my dad is coming back, and I should spend time at home instead of having my own holiday.
Think back, I do not like to follow my parents for outing when I was small. Dad & Mom used to go to Penang every Sunday. I prefer to stay at home, playing ICQ & MIRC, which is very hit at that time. I spent time with friends more than my family. I felt that, going out with them is very embrassing. Which, most of the teenager will only hang out with friends, but not old folks. Yes, I admit I think like that last time.
Since when I like to spend time with my family? I don't know. I think is after I went to KL for study. I used to call mom when I was in the hostel, feeling so lonely. Pressure with studies, pressure with exams, just one button press to miss call mom and she will definitely call me immediately. Yes, I know she missed me a lot too. She came to KL, stayed at aunt's house and i'll overnight at aunt's house during weekend. Her driver will stop the car at the main entrance, and after the class I'll straight away go to aunt's house until Monday's class. Missed those days.
Alright, why I like to spend time with parents now? Mmm... Is just a feeling like, they are so old. I don't know how much time I can spend with them. Besides, you will not know what will happend tomorrow. So, I just want to tressure them before everything is too late. I know I will cry like hell if they leave me one day. But at least, I have try my best to accompany them when they need my accompaniment.
Everytime, I try to avoid for weekend activities as I have book myself for my family. Some of my friend don't understand why I prefer to stay at home during the weekend. Yes, If I stay with my family everyday, then it's not a problem to go out during weekend. The problem is, I only manage to go home during weekend, just once a week, or perhaps, during the public holiday.
I cannot and dare not imagine, how much time left for me to accompany my parents. How good if I leave them first, but not for them to leave me first.
Think back, I do not like to follow my parents for outing when I was small. Dad & Mom used to go to Penang every Sunday. I prefer to stay at home, playing ICQ & MIRC, which is very hit at that time. I spent time with friends more than my family. I felt that, going out with them is very embrassing. Which, most of the teenager will only hang out with friends, but not old folks. Yes, I admit I think like that last time.
Since when I like to spend time with my family? I don't know. I think is after I went to KL for study. I used to call mom when I was in the hostel, feeling so lonely. Pressure with studies, pressure with exams, just one button press to miss call mom and she will definitely call me immediately. Yes, I know she missed me a lot too. She came to KL, stayed at aunt's house and i'll overnight at aunt's house during weekend. Her driver will stop the car at the main entrance, and after the class I'll straight away go to aunt's house until Monday's class. Missed those days.
Alright, why I like to spend time with parents now? Mmm... Is just a feeling like, they are so old. I don't know how much time I can spend with them. Besides, you will not know what will happend tomorrow. So, I just want to tressure them before everything is too late. I know I will cry like hell if they leave me one day. But at least, I have try my best to accompany them when they need my accompaniment.
Everytime, I try to avoid for weekend activities as I have book myself for my family. Some of my friend don't understand why I prefer to stay at home during the weekend. Yes, If I stay with my family everyday, then it's not a problem to go out during weekend. The problem is, I only manage to go home during weekend, just once a week, or perhaps, during the public holiday.
I cannot and dare not imagine, how much time left for me to accompany my parents. How good if I leave them first, but not for them to leave me first.
Article
I have read a meaningful article, Title: Normal VS True
A normal friend have never seen you crying.
A true friend will lend you his/her shoulder to cry.
A normal friend does not know your parent's surname.
A true friend will have your parent's contact in their phone directory.
A normal friend will bring along wine to attend your party.
A true friend will attend your party earlier to help for preperation.
A normal friend hate receiving your phone call when they are asleep.
A true friend will ask you why now only receive your phone call.
A normal friend approach you to discuss about your worries.
A true friend approach you to solve your worries.
A normal friend feel curious about your romance.
A true friend will force you to tell out.
A normal friend will act like a guest when they visit you.
A true friend will help themselves for drinks when they visit you.
A normal friend will think that a friendship has go to the end after they quarrel.
A true friend will think that a true friendship must have argument.
A normal friend will hope that you must be with them always.
A true friend will hope that he/she must be with you always.
A normal friend have never seen you crying.
A true friend will lend you his/her shoulder to cry.
A normal friend does not know your parent's surname.
A true friend will have your parent's contact in their phone directory.
A normal friend will bring along wine to attend your party.
A true friend will attend your party earlier to help for preperation.
A normal friend hate receiving your phone call when they are asleep.
A true friend will ask you why now only receive your phone call.
A normal friend approach you to discuss about your worries.
A true friend approach you to solve your worries.
A normal friend feel curious about your romance.
A true friend will force you to tell out.
A normal friend will act like a guest when they visit you.
A true friend will help themselves for drinks when they visit you.
A normal friend will think that a friendship has go to the end after they quarrel.
A true friend will think that a true friendship must have argument.
A normal friend will hope that you must be with them always.
A true friend will hope that he/she must be with you always.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
EQ, again
Sorry if I cannot control my emotion perfectly. Yes, I admit that I loose my temper very fast. For those who know me well, they know that my temper will come in less than a second, and will go off after several minutes, after I have vent my anger or dissatisfaction.
I'm so thankful for my friends who have forgiven me many times for my low EQ. Actually I have tried to control my emotion, to avoid people to know what I'm feeling and thinking. But why they still can notice it? My kungfu is not strong enough? Yea, maybe.
I'm so thankful for my friends who have forgiven me many times for my low EQ. Actually I have tried to control my emotion, to avoid people to know what I'm feeling and thinking. But why they still can notice it? My kungfu is not strong enough? Yea, maybe.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Human, the evil species
Had a small discussion during lunch time about religion. Mei said that, we human are sinners. Those people in the old testement used animal to sacrifice to the God, as according to the Bible, blood is a 'thing' to redeem our sin. That is why, when Jesus came, he died for us on the cross, sacrifice himself to wash away our sin.
So, I am now thinking. It's not fair for us, the million years after Adam and Eve. Because of them, we human have to suffer now. Because of them, we have in born sin. Because of them, I am here.
Mmm.... what I can say is, human is born to be evil. When God created human, He did not teach them how to tell lie. But, human know how to tell lie. Human first lied to God, when they have eaten the fruit that not allowed by God. I'm confused, if God does not want human to eat the fruit, why did He created it? As tempted, human did not obey God, just like a child, did not obey their parents when their parents stop them to do this and that. Human, have the in born evil nature.
So, I am now thinking. It's not fair for us, the million years after Adam and Eve. Because of them, we human have to suffer now. Because of them, we have in born sin. Because of them, I am here.
Mmm.... what I can say is, human is born to be evil. When God created human, He did not teach them how to tell lie. But, human know how to tell lie. Human first lied to God, when they have eaten the fruit that not allowed by God. I'm confused, if God does not want human to eat the fruit, why did He created it? As tempted, human did not obey God, just like a child, did not obey their parents when their parents stop them to do this and that. Human, have the in born evil nature.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Baby
Went to visit Ai Ling last Wednesday at her house. She has just gave birth to a baby girl, Stella. At times, I like baby. But, I'll think a lot of non sense. What are the non sense?
Have you 'ask' the baby whether they are willing to come to this ugly world before you give birth to them? Will the baby be happy when they grown up? As the world has changed. Very competitive, in school, especially the kia su parents.. competitive in getting a job, and etc.
Human came to this world is not enjoying life unless you are rich, then it's a diffrent story. This is why I told my friend that I dislike baby, kids, children. My dislike is not to hate them, but is just that, hey, you will know what is life when you grow big.
If I can choose, I will choose not to come to this world.
Have you 'ask' the baby whether they are willing to come to this ugly world before you give birth to them? Will the baby be happy when they grown up? As the world has changed. Very competitive, in school, especially the kia su parents.. competitive in getting a job, and etc.
Human came to this world is not enjoying life unless you are rich, then it's a diffrent story. This is why I told my friend that I dislike baby, kids, children. My dislike is not to hate them, but is just that, hey, you will know what is life when you grow big.
If I can choose, I will choose not to come to this world.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Back to the stone age
Alright, the company has officially annouced to 'demolish' the document control system. Before that, our IT team (which is actually 3 of us, the word 'team' will mislead people to think of a group of people) has tried to get a workaround. WE know that the only solution in order for the system works fine is to change the server. How can you imagine that a so call MNC company is still using the server which is from day 1 when it operates until now. I don't know how many years.. but it is around 7-8 years. When I join, there are 2 SQL servers. One is on the normal server and the other is on a low end DELL 3000 desktop! Yes, just to confirm with you that, it's a DESKTOP.
There were no problem when it's new. Everything goes smoothly until the desktop could not stand the burden. I'm the one who used to recevie the complains. The those non computer literate people, they will thought that it was your FAULT and terus terus say, wei your system canot work again. Hello~! Ada duit nak tukar server or not? I felt so 'Sai Hei' explaining to them. Just said ok, let me restart the server and you can resume your work after 10 minutes time. Such a stupid work that has become my job function now. What should I update my resume under the job function area? Job function point number 10. Restart Server.
Ok, back to the anxiety part. My job is lesser and lesser as they are taking out all the system and to change all things back to stone age, paper work generation. Maybe one day they will say, we do not need JXE to print PO, just use manual excel to print out. Then that time, i have to squat beside Kek Lok Si street and please, if you see me there, remember to do charity. OR, maybe one day they will say, since the system is running quite smooth now, we do not need a person stand by there to support. Just call the contractor when the system is down. Then, they will make my place vacancy with no more hiring people.. sigh.
Perhaps, my senior is right. He has told me before that, as an IT background people or people working in IT field, we have to work in a company that treat IT as a very important role in the company. At least we still got value for that company. Not like here. Ya, I know that we are only the ADMIN SUPPORTING TEAM! So? Just close the department lo! Then everything can D.I.Y.
Truthful speaking, I really thought to quit and do my own business. But, when I think deeply, I still need the sting $ from them because I have to help to support the house. I cannot let my parents to worry of me and to let my dad's burden to be heavier. So? Stand lo.. what can I do?
There were no problem when it's new. Everything goes smoothly until the desktop could not stand the burden. I'm the one who used to recevie the complains. The those non computer literate people, they will thought that it was your FAULT and terus terus say, wei your system canot work again. Hello~! Ada duit nak tukar server or not? I felt so 'Sai Hei' explaining to them. Just said ok, let me restart the server and you can resume your work after 10 minutes time. Such a stupid work that has become my job function now. What should I update my resume under the job function area? Job function point number 10. Restart Server.
Ok, back to the anxiety part. My job is lesser and lesser as they are taking out all the system and to change all things back to stone age, paper work generation. Maybe one day they will say, we do not need JXE to print PO, just use manual excel to print out. Then that time, i have to squat beside Kek Lok Si street and please, if you see me there, remember to do charity. OR, maybe one day they will say, since the system is running quite smooth now, we do not need a person stand by there to support. Just call the contractor when the system is down. Then, they will make my place vacancy with no more hiring people.. sigh.
Perhaps, my senior is right. He has told me before that, as an IT background people or people working in IT field, we have to work in a company that treat IT as a very important role in the company. At least we still got value for that company. Not like here. Ya, I know that we are only the ADMIN SUPPORTING TEAM! So? Just close the department lo! Then everything can D.I.Y.
Truthful speaking, I really thought to quit and do my own business. But, when I think deeply, I still need the sting $ from them because I have to help to support the house. I cannot let my parents to worry of me and to let my dad's burden to be heavier. So? Stand lo.. what can I do?
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